Here I am, sitting on my bedroom floor in the dark, and it’s around 2:30 in the morning. I’ve gotten back up after spending three hours in bed, trying desperately to get some sleep again. Still nothing. I had weird half-asleep dreams, though. You know, the kind of half-conscious thoughts that enter your head when you’re just about asleep. Then they get too interesting and I wake back up again. Am I the only person dealing with that? Anyway, the fact still remains that I’m not asleep at the moment, which really bothers me. I keep having this horrible feeling go through my heart, making it beat really fast, and that doesn’t help my situation much. I can’t explain it, either. It’s like my body’s telling me there’s something going on to be really depressed about, but I’m not sure what that is. Everything’s going pretty well, I just can’t convince myself of that. I just won $1,500 for goodness sake! I should be pinging off the walls with happiness. I’ve got great friends, I’ve got a plan for the future, multiple back-up plans if the first doesn’t work out, and I’ve got lots of things to keep me busy. I hate that heart-pounding-icky feeling. I woke up feeling that way today and it’s only gotten worse. I hope nothing bad happens tomorrow.
What I find horribly funny, though, is I’ve found myself having complete and total faith in that stupid fortune cookie message I got. How ridiculous is that? As I lay in bed, my heart going a mile a minute, I tried to convince myself that I shouldn’t be stressed. Why? Because, after all, I had a nice and cheerful message heading my way. Hehehe. I love absolutely ridiculous thoughts like that. My all-time favorite, though, was when I was recovering from having my toe amputated last year. It was around 3 o’clock on a Sunday morning and I had woken up because my leg jolted in my sleep, making my foot hurt like heck. So I started watching an old Katharine Hepburn movie, “Mary, Queen of Scots.” As I was lying there, trying to discern what was going on (mind, I was heavily doped up on pain meds as well as operating on only a few hhours of sleep), when the thought came to me, You know, I wonder if people who lived back then ever stopped and realized, ‘Hey, people will be making movies of us in a few hundred years’. A second after I thought that, a lovely three letter word came to mind: Duh. I laughed so hard I nearly hurt my foot again.
I’ve been working on the outline for my screenplay and it’s coming along nicely so far. I’ve had to stop, though, as my writing is deteriorating as it gets later and later. I tried to write “an old friend from her childhood” and ended up writing “an from and from her childhood.” When I wrote it I didn’t even realize I’d messed up, it was only when I went back through the paragraph for the third time that I caught it. See, I think I really *am* tired, my body just won’t admit it. I should be worn out, but nooooo.
Oh great, and now I’ve got the hiccups. Somebody scare me! Crap, no one’s online…