I can’t sleep. I had a really awful dream last night – worse than my disfigurement dream – and now I’m too afraid to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it and I can’t get this one horrible image out of my head. It’s been a pretty crappy day to say the least.
I’m slightly worried that my brain infection may be back. My forgetfulness has only gotten worse and that was the first major sign when I first had the brain infection. I think the culmination was this afternoon – Kevin asked me last night (Friday night) if I could watch Max today (sorry, it’s still Saturday to me.) I was all excited about it cause I miss Max. I was planning on making him dinner, making cards, scatting with him, watching Blue’s Clues, everything. I was thrilled about it. Then this afternoon rolls around, my cousin shows up to commiserate about his failed marraige, and a thought hits me; I want to get out of the house. I traipsed downstairs around 4 in the afternoon thinking about nothing but Movie, Movie, Movie, Out, Out, Out. I rescued Dad from the conversation and off we went to see “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” The movie was great, but halfway through I remembered Kevin was going to call me in the afternoon to set up a time for them to drop off Max. I felt absolutely horrible and I still feel really crummy about it. That’s like one of those Sister From Hell situations. I probably killed their date night.
My brain just isn’t working. I can’t keep emails straight, I forget what I have to do each day, I’m forgetting to make dinner, I forget to eat at all sometimes. And lately, for example, I’ll have to go get something out of my room, so I hike up two flights of stairs, enter my room, and just stare at it for a few minutes. I always forget what it was I was looking for. I’ve done this countless times in the past few days and I just can’t stand it. I don’t like being unreliable, forgetful, and scatterbrained. I don’t like disappointing people so much.
This sucks. I need sleep, dang it. I have to wake up at 7:30 to get ready for church. Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to make it because right now it’s nearly 3 in the morning, the thought of sleeping is scaring me, and I’m stressed out. I need a massage. I need a vacation. I need… something.