I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. Today really sucked. I had to spend practically all day shopping for various things I needed to try to help my back. I went to Staples and got a new desk, a new office chair, the whole works. Steven was nice enough to spend the entire afternoon putting everything together, because I’m not supposed to lift anything the least bit heavy.
I also had to go underwear shopping. That may sound funny, but apparently not having the right “foundation” can make my back worse, especially my shoulders. So I had to go to Nordstrom to get fitted for a bra. I really hate bra shopping. I cannot stand it. Thankfully the lady that fitted me was very nice and understanding, and did the dirty work for me. All I had to do was let her measure me, and then I waited in the dressing room while she ran around finding underwear that might work for me. Thirty minutes or so later I got a new bra. It feels strange. I’m so used to wearing one that’s the wrong size that now that I’m wearing the right size, something doesn’t quite feel right. Although, I can already tell the “foundation” is better, and it’s not curling my shoulders anymore. So I just need to get used to it and deal with the fact that my sizing was *way* off originally.
Shortly after I got all that done, we all went out to dinner. They would get my order horribly wrong tonight. I’m not kidding, everything went wrong. I ordered the filet, and it was so not a filet. The grain was going completely the wrong way. I hate days like that. I even had to argue to get the manager to come out and talk to me about it. Thankfully they took the filet off the bill. I wouldn’t have paid $15 for a non-filet. That’s just silly.
I think I’m still depressed. I’m just not used to this. I can’t do my volunteer job anymore at church, watching the three year olds. I may not have been that happy in there lately, because they’ve gotten kind of rowdy, but I still feel bad. I can’t do it. I physically can’t do it. I’m only 18 and I physically can’t do it anymore. That really sucks. There’s no other word for it. I just want a normal body now that I’ve paid my dues to the Gods of Pain and Suffering.
I’ve been thinking today that some people might be thinking I’m over-reacting a little. I don’t know, it just hit me. I’ve thought about it and you know what I’ve concluded? I don’t really care. Tough nookies, this sucks. And this hurts. A lot. It hurts to bend over, whenever I move my arms my spine and shoulder blades crack, I can’t lift anything, I tried to dance a little and don’t even get me started on that. So I’m going to cry if I want to, I’ll be angry if I want to. I’ve had enough.
One happy thing did happen today. I signed up to get a free copy of the BMW movies on DVD. That’s quite exciting. I’m even getting it for free, since I own a BMW. If you haven’t seen the movies you really really should. I think my favorite is “Star”, although now I’m quite partial to “The Follow”. 🙂
I think I may spend all day tomorrow playing The Sims. I need a break, and if I can’t go to Bora Bora, then I guess that’s all I can do.