Tonight isn’t going so well. I tried to go to sleep, but as soon as I turned out the lights I started feeling incredibly frightened. I thought I was being silly, but I couldn’t stand being in the dark for some reason. So I turned my monitor back on to act as a nightlight. I stayed in bed for nearly three hours, trying so hard to stop scaring myself and fall asleep. It didn’t work. My mind just wouldn’t stop.
So I got online a little while ago, started playing around with stupid internet quizzes. Then I had to go to the bathroom, so I went down the hall, went about my business. But as I was washing my hands I looked up and noticed that my pupils were different sizes. Dramatically. My left eye was small, while the right eye looked like an alien again. Now I can’t stop being frightened. I hate this feeling, having my body fall apart, do strange things, and I don’t even know what’s wrong. All of my tests were normal, this shouldn’t be happening to me. I hate being so forgetful, I hate not being able to sleep. I hate having alien eyes. I was so happy this afternoon, I thought everything was going okay. I thought my ultimatum was working.
I’m going to see an Infectious Disease specialist in four hours. I wanted to get some sleep tonight so I could drive the Z4 back from Walter Reed. I don’t think that’ll be a very good idea. I think I might give up driving until they figure out what’s wrong with me. My vision’s been going funny for the past few days, thankfully not while I was behind the wheel. But it could happen. I don’t need that too.
I need a teddy bear.