I’ve gotten a lot of great – and sometimes funny – responses to the question I posed about high maintenance women. It got me to thinking about a lot of things – first off, that I’m going to have to have shoes tailored (my shoes arrived – they don’t work either), secondly, I needed to go shopping for unmentionables, and thirdly, the fashion industry really sucks right now.

With all this thinking, I’ve voiced my opinions to a few people. Yesterday I drove my 21-year-old brother, Steven, to a big outlet mall about an hour away where they have a store called Daffy’s Clothes for Millionaires. It’s one of the coolest stores in the world – only there can you find Armani clothes for $40. Steven was on a mission to buy newer, cooler jeans because he realized he hadn’t gotten any new pants in about four years. We figured it was about time he updated his wardrobe and added some ‘hip’ factor. We accomplished that task, getting him four pairs of pants – two of which were designer labels, including Ralph Lauren – all for under $40. *That’s* my kind of shopping, where you buy the labels and the quality, without spending a fortune. Thankfully sometimes I can find my Calvin Kleins at outlets – two of my pairs were under $10.

But I wanted to point out that it’s *not* about the labels, it’s about the quality. Those Ralph Lauren jeans, in their $8.99 glory, will last Steven another four years. Sure, sometimes you can find wal-mart-esque jeans that will last that long, but I find that to be a rare occasion. I bought a pair of jeans once off the clearance rack at Kohl’s – which is still relatively nice – and they only lasted six months. It’s all about the hunt for the perfect pants at the perfect price. Like my favorite doctor told me, “never, never pay retail.” Of course, then he went a step farther and said, “only pay cost, bobi, even wholesale’s too much!” But that’s another issue altogether.

As for expensive unmentionables, I stand by that choice for several reasons. Now, this is an issue I typically avoid, but I feel like someone needs to voice this issue, because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing to my body. I used to wear cheap bras. I didn’t think they were that important – if it felt comfortable, looked decent, and was as cheap as possible, go for it. But, then I went to my doctor. I was having back cramps so bad that I was stuck in bed for days on end. I couldn’t do anything for the pain.


Turned out I’d developed scoliosis in my upper back. Funny, it wasn’t there a few years ago. But now all of a sudden I have a seven degree deviation. It may not sound like much, but if I’m not careful, I could be hunched over by the time I’m 50.


What was the first question my doctor asked me after this discovery? She wanted to know what kind of bra I wore. Immediately she was able to explain exactly what that cheap bra was doing to my chest, my shoulders, and my spine. I’m not saying a cheap bra is going to give you scoliosis, I’m not saying that was the root cause, but I *am* saying that it can aggravate it. It aggravates it enough that doctors are actually taught to tell women about getting fitted properly for underwear. It’s that important.


Normally a cheap bra will do just fine for most women, if they’re fitted properly and you buy new ones every so often. The proper support will keep your back from going out, it’ll help keep you from rolling your shoulders, and it’ll generally make you feel a lot more comfortable. But, for some women, it’s impossible to find adequate underwear at Target. And as everyone should know by now, I’m addicted to Target, but it’s the truth. I can’t shop there.


Why? Because I’m a size that Target won’t carry. As far as I can tell, the only non-disgusting stores that carry my size are Nordstrom’s and Bloomingdales. I even went shopping again this afternoon to make sure I wasn’t missing something – instead I found out that Nordstrom’s may fall out of the running. Looks like I may have to upgrade to Bloomingdales, and believe me, I’m not entirely pleased with that, simply because of how expensive it is to get custom-made underwear.


But my back is that important to me. I know what it’s like to be cripled, and for goodness sake, if I have to invest $100 in a good bra that will support me, save my back, and keep me from being in pain for a longer period of time, then it’s worth the investment. Add into that equation the fact that, if properly cared for, that bra will last me several years rather than several months, then it all evens out anyway.

So what is High Maintenance? I’ve come to a conclusion – it’s demanding unnecessary material goods, to be used as weapons against others. If you have worked hard, if you can afford it, then I believe that by all means, you should buy what you want within moderation. It’s something that you have worked hard for, and you deserve it. But where rewarding yourself crosses the line into High Maintenance is when you use those rewards to put yourself above others. You know what, I love my BMW, but I’d never say that someone who owns a lesser vehicle is less valuable as a person than me. To turn that around, no one should ever say that I’m a brat or a witch, simply because I own a BMW and wear Calvin Klein jeans. (Never mind the fact I paid $5,000 less than retail for my car, and most of my jeans were about 80% off the original ticket price.)

As much as people who own nice things get accused of using their material goods as weapons, I also think that the tide can be turned the other way. I believe there are just as many opportunities for pride in being poor as there are in being rich, it’s just a matter of manifestation. Do people turn up their nose at the wealthy and automatically dismiss them as shallow, based on their outer appearance? That’s being just as snotty and dismissive as a rich person who’s using their new Mercedes as a weapon.

There’s moderation in all things. I buy BMWs first and foremost because I believe they are the safest car on the market. After being in my relatively mild accident last month, I’m positive that – bank account allowing – I will never own anything else. Again, just like in the case of my expensive underwear, my health and my safety is worth the investment. Will I go into debt over it? No. Will I feed my children on only ramen noodles because of it? No. But if I can afford it, if I’ve worked hard for it, I deserve it. Will I put you down because I deserve it, and somehow that means you’re not worth as much of a human being? Of course not!

That truly is the difference between being a High Maintenance Woman and being a Smart Shopper. If you know what you want, if you work for it honestly, if you can afford it, and you always pay less than retail where applicable, I don’t begrudge you your shopping habits at all. It’s all about moderation, baby.

On that drive to Daffy’s yesterday with Steven, we had a long talk about this issue. He helped me come to this conclusion, and I’m very thankful for that. But, in the process of talking about this, I came to realize just how passionate I am about issues of clothing, shopping, style, and personal image in general. I don’t mean I’m a fashionista, I’m certainly no expert, but I do believe I have some sense of history when it comes to fashion design and how it shapes our society. I also have opinions about where I believe it should go from here on out.

And that’s why I bought myself a present. (Don’t worry, it was only $8.50 and I got paid $100 today for some work I did, so it’s all good.) I bought a domain name: FashionAssassin.org I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do with it or how I’ll lay it all out, but generally, I’m going to use it for rants such as this one, articles about the history of fashion, biographies of my favorite designers (do you have any idea how hard it is to find information about Edith Head these days?), fashion pointers on how to look your best no matter what your body style, and shopping tips for the clearance-rack challenged. Fashion Assassin, where Beauty Knows No Pain. 🙂 I want this to be a site for both women *and* men. I’ve actually been wanting to do this for a while, but never knew how to accomplish it without getting too hideously girly and pink. So instead I’ve adopted the theme of international spying and intrigue. It should be fun. 🙂

Of course, that plan will have to wait a while, cause I’ve got loads of other stuff to work on. And right now, I really have to get to bed – I have to go to traffic court tomorrow to fight a really dishonest and unwarranted speeding ticket. But more on that tomorrow, as I recount my exploits as the Perry Mason of Traffic Court in Prince William County. Wish me luck!