My good friend Alexi posted a comment on my last post about how things can only get better from here. Actually, as sweet as she was to say so, I really don’t believe that. So many things can go so wrong in so many ways. Plus, I just know that the minute I start to get optimistic and say, “Yeah, the only way to go is up!” then the doctors will come back with a horrible diagnosis like cancer or something. But, on the other hand, I know it doesn’t do any good to be a pessimist. I swear, I’m not about to convince myself that I have cancer, I’m gonna lose all my hair, then I’m gonna die. That’s not what I’m saying at all.

But what I am saying is I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Yes, I have projects I’m working on. Yes, they’re grand and exciting and could be really fantastic if they worked out. But, regardless of what my health is doing, they may not work out. I know that. If I get my hopes up too much and then things don’t work out, I’m only going to be all the more upset than if I hadn’t dreamt them up in the first place.

Basically, my emotions aren’t all dark and scary, but they aren’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Is the glass half full? Is the glass half empty? The way I see it, that glass contains 50% liquid, 50% air. Emotionally speaking, I’m Switzerland. I’m pleasantly in the middle, neutral in my approach to life. I’m home to the snow-capped alps, the birthplace of fondue, the nesting ground of world famous bankers, and brimming with chocolatey goodness.

Well, okay, maybe not that long last bit about the alps, the bankers, and such. Although, I wouldn’t object to chocolatey goodness. But yes, I’ve decided to adopt an attitude of neutrality toward the upcoming events of my life. I can’t invest too much of my hope in things because I’m just too stressed at the moment. But, I also don’t want to lose all hope entirely. I’m just going to be carefully neutral. The painful pregnancy problem, I’m going to get another opinion on that and see if something can’t be done about it. The stomach problem, I’m going to have to deal with visiting many a specialist over the coming weeks. It won’t be pleasant, I may cry in the hallways of Walter Reed again, but I’ll deal. The projects I need to work on, I’ll keep working as much as I can and I’ll stop expecting super powers with which I can conquer the world in a week. It’s going to take some adjusting, but with Switzerland as my model, I believe I can handle this. At least, I’m gonna try. And hey, how can it be bad to emulate a country that’s so wealthy? That’s my kind of neutrality. 🙂 Now if only I could convince my body to stop being nocturnal…