<-- I know this is a long post, but it's important to me, so if you have the time, please take the time to read it. (And ten points if you recognize where the title came from.) Danke, darling! -->

    My, my, what a day… where do I even start? Today has been one of those days where, even when you are in the midst of it, you can’t possibly believe that it’s actually happening, let alone to you. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to have a day like this, you’ll know what I mean.

    It started this morning, like most days do. I woke up full of anticipation – last night I’d been struck with what I thought was pure inspiration. I started humming to myself (something I never do), which I took as a sign, so I immediately ran to my other computer and started recording the hums that were coming from a tune that had become lodged in my brain. I took those hums and created a short 15 second Mp3, with which I had intended to create another 15 second clip for the American Express contest I have mentioned previously. So this morning, I was going to wake up early, rush out and start recording video for a second entry.

    I did so, thanks to the cooperation of my Mother. But just as I was getting into the car, the MailMan came up to me and handed me a package from Amazon.com. A few weeks ago I had ordered unmentionables, so I assumed that the box must contain my new underwear and subsequently tossed it into the back seat. An hour later, when I arrived at the Virginia State Arboretum and began to crawl around in the dirt to get various bits of footage, I used this box as a place to rest my camera. I had lost my tripod, but the box filled in nicely.

    I got the footage I needed, then as we started to drive home I figured I’d open up the box and make sure that they had sent the right size. Little did I realize that the box did not contain a bra as I had expected, but rather an exceedingly thoughtful gift from my dear friend Erick. I have known Erick since he was 13 years old, he was one of the original members of a now infamous message board I once created for the Daily Prophet. I loved Erick dearly as one of my best and closest comrades on The Harry Potter Four Board; I had the pleasure of meeting Erick in person at long last a few months ago while I was on a business trip in Utah. Let me tell you, he is not 13 anymore. He is an intelligent, wise, caring, and incredibly tall man, one who has grown before my very eyes, even when I didn’t quite realize it. A few nights ago Erick and I spoke online for the first time in a little while, catching up on various things, and we ended up having a very deep religious conversation. He’s always been perfect for such things, always providing exceedingly mature advice far beyond his years. Erick recommended that I read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Taking his advice, I added the book to my wishlist as a means of reminding myself to purchase it in my next round of Amazon ordering.

    Erick beat me to the punch, and for the second time in our friendship has provided me with a book featuring wisdom that I so desperately needed. A few years back, when I was hurting with great profundity, he sent me a book that in many ways changed my life. As I read it again and again, I always remember my friend Erick and how impressive it is that even though he is younger than I, he is far wiser than I am in so many ways. But he is a gentleman about it, always quietly observing, only proferring wisdom when asked. I was thrilled when I saw his gift of kindness inside that Amazon box. I’m looking forward to reading it, eagerly awaiting the changes I’m sure it will bring to my life just like the last book Erick sent me has. I felt remarkably cared for and I just didn’t think my day could get any better.

    When I arrived home I regret to admit that I had gotten a bit grouchy, despite the excellent example of unconditional love that Erick had just displayed. It had been several hours since I had taken off my pain patch in order to drive, and the pain was starting to build. But I still had work to do, one last scene I was eager to film.

    Another friend had other plans for my day, however. As I was setting up for the final shot of the day, a big brown UPS truck pulled up to my driveway. A smiling delivery man walked toward me, winking as he handed me another Amazon box of identical proportions. Instantly assuming that this must be the long-awaited bra, I continued my work and ended up leaving it on the back deck as I filmed the last scene of the day. An hour later, my body aching, my face beat red from the sunshine, my countenance as sour as it could have possibly been, I walked inside and started to collect my things. I had forgotten about my underwear delivery, until my Mother reminded me to pick the box up off the family room floor.

    I sighed heavily as I put my things back down, turned away from the stairs, and went to the family room. I sat down on the ottoman, completely exhausted, and pulled open the box. On the very top was a packaging slip, and the first thing I saw was the name Sabbrielle, and this note: “Because you’re my role model, and because you deserve it.”

    I was dumbfounded for a split second – “I deserve underwear?” But then the packaging slip shifted and revealed a small black box. With a big white apple on it. And Bono.

    I very nearly swore. Instead this spewed out of my mouth quite loudly, “HOLY FREAKING CRAP!” My Mother was stunned and kept asking what was so shocking – this was no bra, this was a 30GB Video iPod! I can honestly say I’ve never been so pleased to see Bono in my life.

    Long, long ago I put a black 30gb video iPod on my Amazon Wish list. Why? Because, even though I did really want one, it was more of a joke. My brother Kevin had purchased such an iPod but accidentally had it shipped to my house. And it was addressed to me. It arrived just as a bunch of contests I had entered to win an iPod had ended. For a few glorious seconds I thought I had won an iPod. Until I saw that it was engraved with my brother’s name. I was ticked, I was upset, I was sad, and I wanted the world to know it through my Amazon wish list. Not once did I ever even dare to dream that someone would actually buy one for me. It was a joke, and that was that, and a little reminder to myself that one day I’d buy one anyway, contests be damned.

    But here was a beautiful iPod sitting on my lap and all I could do was stare at it and scream, “HOLY FREAKING CRAP!” I looked over the packaging slip again and again, reading the name of yet another original member of the very same Harry Potter 4 message board, staring at the beautifully succinct message she included. I didn’t know what to think, except holy. freaking. crap. (Very eloquent, I know.)

    I first met Sabbrielle in person only last month. She sent me a lovely present – a pinhole camera kit I’d been dying for – and asked that I meet her for lunch. Her family was coming down to visit a relative in the DC area; from the way she sounded on the phone as she asked me to meet her you would have thought she was asking me to grant her the biggest favor you could ever possibly imagine. I was more than happy to meet her as I have always thought she was a beautiful, kind, compassionate, and extremely mature young woman, whom I’d always had a great time speaking with on the message board and through AIM. In fact, she was one of the few board members who was free to call me at any time, and it was her and a small handful of others with whom I entrusted the management of the beloved message board when I retired as its moderator.

    We met up at the mall near my home; it was the first time I’d gotten out of the house since that first round of surgery, but it was worth it. I was heavily medicated and extremely giddy, so I was a tad bit worried about the impression I would leave with her. But we talked for hours and laughed like the oldest of friends. She was exactly the way I had imagined her and yet again, like with the other Daily Prophet Kids that I’ve met, I couldn’t help but feel a tad maternal toward her. I had a wonderful time meeting her and I was overjoyed with her kindness in buying me the pinhole camera. All was well and happy.

    Then today, here I was staring at her (real) name and a video iPod. I wasn’t sure what to think. After all, Sabbrielle is still in high school, and this was clearly a very elaborate, generous gift – dare I say it, one of the most elaborate gifts I think I’ve ever gotten from a friend, especially out of the blue like that! A million scenarios ran through my head as I sat there for several minutes, staring at the package. I was so worried that she couldn’t afford this generous of a gift, and that she had gone into debt for me. Perhaps she had meant to purchase the model Ferrari that was next to the iPod on my wish list, and Amazon had some kind of glitch and I got sent the iPod instead. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well and, like I have on so many occasions, made a rather strange decision late at night due in large part to the effects of narcotics. Or maybe Sabbrielle is secretly the daughter of Bill Gates for all I know! I was too shocked to think logically. This was intense, this was amazing, this was all too strange that it happened all in one day.

    After about fifteen minutes of sitting there in silence, save for the occasional “Holy freaking crap!”, I went upstairs and grabbed my cell phone. I tried to call her and left what must have been a very ridiculous message. I remember I babbled a lot and essentially said, “I need to talk to you!” As I hung up I tried to collect my thoughts and decide what to do next. I looked at my feet and realized how coated in dirt I was from the day of shooting. So I left to take a shower, hoping the silence and the water would help me to figure out how all of this was happening and if it was really real.

    I ran scenarios through my head again and again, but no matter what I always came back to that message Sabbrielle wrote – “Because you’re my role model, and because you deserve it.” Role model. That’s a big term. I thought about Erick, Sabbrielle, the others of the HP4 board, the former Daily Prophet columnists, Jordan and the perfume he sent me a few months ago… I scanned past memories, wondering why I had worked with so many kids, trying to remember if I had ever expected, dreamt, or dared to think of anything like this.

    I didn’t feel worthy. Everything related to the Daily Prophet was just as much selfish as it was selfless – it was a salvation for me more than anything else. I was lonely, I was ill, I needed an outlet. I got attached to the project, to the kids themselves, to the creative work we did together. That was the reward right there; anything more was just icing on the cake. But I don’t think it was ever truly selfless of me, because there was always that nagging thought in the back of my head that if it weren’t for the Daily Prophet, for the HP4 board, for all of the friends who built that world with me, I wouldn’t have survived. I wouldn’t be who I am now.

    As I got out of the shower I started to cry, thinking about how kind these people have been toward me. They renamed the HP4 board after me, dedicating it to me, their “mommy” as they put it. I cried because I was hit with this feeling of closure in a sense, knowing that all of these “kids” that I’ve harbored maternal feelings for are growing up. But better yet, they have grown up well, and I feel so lucky that they remember me and care enough to do this for me. As I sat on a towel on the bathroom floor, tears running down my cheeks, I felt so loved that everything else today and this week and last month and this past year melted away. I had no right to complain, I had no right to feel sorry for myself, because what really matters if that I feel loved, that there are people out in this world who care about me, who remember me.

    I eventually got a hold of Sabbrielle. She explained why she did what she did – she said simply that I “sounded sad,” and that she wouldn’t allow me to return it no matter how much I babbled to the contrary. I’m still not sure I was making much sense, but we laughed just like we had last month at lunch. I’m still struggling to find a way to thank her, but one day I’ll figure it out, when I get over the shock. 🙂

    I have so many friends that I can’t help but think how lucky I really am. Diseases be damned, that’s not what’s important. Even if this thing kills me, it’ll be okay, because I’ve been loved. Erick’s book, Sabbrielle’s iPod, Jordan’s perfume, David flying here just to keep me company, Sujit’s loving guidance and constant friendship, Robert’s overseas calls just so I can listen to his accent, Stephen’s participation in Settler’s wars & road trips, Alastair’s constant efforts to make me laugh, Andrew’s never ending support & encouragement, Darren’s loving uplifting emails, Brian’s endless supply of dating advice, Jay’s vast amounts of time shared & dedication to keeping me happily fed, all of the beautiful kids from the Daily Prophet who are turning into beautiful adults, and everyone else who are too numerous to name; it’s enough to prove without a doubt that I am extraordinarily fortunate and I will be eternally grateful for all of them and for all that they do for me.

    Am I worthy of any of that attention? Am I worthy of their generosity? I don’t know. But maybe that’s the point – maybe I don’t have to be, I only have to try my best to repay in kind. Looks like I have a lot to catch up on, and I promise I’ll give it my all. Because they all deserve everything I can give in return. And you can bet that every time I read my new book, every time I listen to my new iPod, I’ll remember that I am loved, and I will never doubt it again.