I’ve finally figured out what’s been causing all my health problems! It wasn’t Dercum’s Disease after all!!!!
IT’S BABY ALIEN FAT MONSTERS!!!!!!!!
HA! Okay, so if you haven’t seen Doctor Who, that totally won’t make any sense – neither will the rest of the enty. So just skip ahead if you don’t want the first episode of season four spoiled (don’t worry, Tim, I’ll be mailing it shortly!) Look for the part in bold, that’s where you can start reading again. 🙂
For the rest of us who have seen it, holy crap! I was laughing hysterically through the entire first episode! I’ve decided I completely and thoroughly love Russell T Davies now. Total freaking genius. When I first saw Donna walk past the big sign outside the company building that said, “Adipose”, my first thought was, “Yeah, someone doesn’t know what that word means…”
For those of you that don’t know what it means, it’s the latin term for fatty tissue. For me in particular, it has a particularly personal meaning, as it’s part of the name for the disease that’s doing its best to kill me – Adiposis Dolorosa, i.e. Dercum’s Disease. When I figured out that the writer did indeed know what that word meant, and fat was in fact the monster in the episode, holy freaking crap, I totally lost it! KILLER FAT! HA! And it’s CUTE!
Hehe, I must have looked like a completely nutjob watching that episode. Thankfully I was watching it all alone in bed the first time round! Haha, every time the cute little baby aliens popped up on screen, I’d giggle like a little girl, squealing that I wanted them to make toys of them NOW!
And, hehe, I’m slightly ashamed to say that all my silly excitement spilled over into an email to Alastair, where I told him that during this scan they’re gonna do on my heart, I’m now convinced that the doctor’s going to find a tiny baby fat monster clinging to the back of my heart. As soon as they see it, it’s gonna do its cute little wave and make that darling little sound. Then they can take it out, I’ll be allll better, and I can hug it, and kiss it, and call it George.
Or rather, it won’t be George – I promised Alastair I’d name the first-born alien baby fat monster after him, in exchange for him throwing me a baby shower. Hehehe… Eeee, too funny!
So mostly I was just happy to have something to laugh about, let alone something that’s so freakishly in tune with my own life. I’d had a really rough night, was up all night for the second evening in a row, and I was absolutely 100% miserable. My head was throbbing, I was so exhausted but couldn’t sleep, and my mind wouldn’t stop racing with the stupidest most inane worries ever. That’s when I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I was lucky, the downloads of the latest Doctor Who episodes might have finished downloading.
They had! So at six o’clock on Monday morning, I was laughing myself silly at Doctor Who. Who would have guessed? One minute I’m so depressed I wanna curl up in a ball and die, the next Russell T Davies has me laughing so hard my sides ache. Well, ache more than usual that is. 🙂 Hehehehe, baby fat monsters!!!!!!! AAAAH!
And I have to say, for creatures made from fat, they’re awful cute. Who woulda guessed?
In that completely barmy email I sent to Alastair, I also said that they need to make little cuddly toys of those guys. But they need to fill them with like a slightly more solid form of that stuff they put in water snakes – that way they’d jiggle!! And somehow they have to put a little speaker in there, so when you squish it, it makes that unbelievably cute little noise.
And of course, it goes without saying, they absolutely have to maintain the cute little tushie. Aaaaah, deadly cuteness, I swear. I think the Brits may have actually staged the most brilliant and effective coup to challenge Japan’s unwavering authority in the Cute Industry.
Hehe, so annnnyway… 😀 All silliness aside, sadly they still haven’t figured out what’s wrong. And I’m really getting a lot worse quite quickly. I just weighed myself and sure enough, I weigh 7 pounds more now than I ever have before. Not good. I thought I could feel the swelling increasing. Earlier tonight my Mom was rubbing my feet – that always used to feel good and be very helpful. But tonight, it felt… toxic. The more she rubbed my feet the more the fluid moved around like normal, but this time it felt like poison. My stomach started feeling sick, every bit of my feet started hurting and the pain was radiating up my leg in a really strange way. It literally just felt like acid was flowing through my veins and through my flesh.
I thought maybe the pain would get better, like how sometimes massages can be painful cause they’re breaking stuff up and then it’ll feel better. But I still feel just sick, in that kind of all-over nauseous kind of way. You know that feeling that your flesh can get, where it feels like it could throw up all on its own? My whole body feels like that now and I don’t know what’s happening. It’s really scary.
Anyway. Plans are moving ahead to try and figure this out. I’m having a scan of my heart done soon – a more complex one than a traditional echocardiogram. it’s so nasty it deserves a full post on its own, so I’ll explain that later. If that doesn’t show anything conclusive that can be directly linked to the swelling, then we’re going to move ahead on getting me admitted to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. We’ve run out of every other option and it’s come down to housing me in a hospital for long-term evaluation so they can poke me and prod me for weeks like a guinea pig. Fun. But it’s the only option I have left besides just rolling over and letting it kill me. As nice as it’d be to finally have a nice long rest, that sort of rest is a bit too long and permanent for me right now.
Until then I’m gonna keep that picture of the baby fat monster on my desktop, so that hopefully it’ll keep me laughing. 🙂 Hehe, killer fat… if only mine was so cute.