I can’t believe I forgot to post something really funny last night! So, a few days ago my mom and I went to an outlet mall and we know a bunch of young men who need dress slacks. We spent $300 at a special outlet store and got tons of pants for about five different guys (aged 19 to 21.) Anyway, so we bought these pants. And last night one of the guys, John (same guy I went to see Lord of the Rings with at midnight a while ago) came over to try them on. I was sitting in the basement, having just sorted the pants by size, and was trying to find something to watch on TV. I hand John his pants, he goes in the other room and tries them on. Then what does he do? He comes out to show me. Turning around, asking me, “Do these look okay?” No wonder his sisters are always asking me if I’m in love with their brothers; one of them had just asked me to check out his butt.
But, beyond that, he kept going in and out, wearing different slacks. The next pair he came out saying, “I think I know why they were $5 pants.” He then lifts up his shirt to show that its missing the button. Immediately I think of that scene in “What Women Want” where Helen Hunt’s all embarassed that she looked at Mel Gibson’s crotch. It was just way too weird.
Finally, after he’s all done, he comes back out (in his own pants), sits down on the couch caddy-corner from me and asks, “So what are you watching on TV?” I told him there was nothing on, and eventually we ended up talking. School, London, college, cars, rich people, marriage (NOT to each other), dating (again NOT to each other, he’s off-limits, and holy crap, he’s sorta like my brother), more about cars, horsepower, etc. Little did I realize that *three hours* went by. Three hours! My parents got back from their date and found me talking to this nice 19 year old boy in the basement. I shudder to think about what they were thinking. Thankfully I was still perched on the ottoman looking sick, so I doubt they suspected anything. And if they did, tough nookies.
So, anyway. My goodness I’ve had a busy day! Started out planning to see one movie and what happens? I see three! We went to see the Bourne Identity at 11:00. Great movie, I really loved it. It was nice to see Franke Potente in a movie where she wasn’t screaming her head off just to match her screaming red hair (ala Run Lola Run.) And, it wasn’t that bad to watch Matt Damon for nearly two hours either. (I’m a girl, so sue me.) It was a fantastic time at the theatre, got to feel like I was in Paris for a while, saw some sights in Switzerland that looked vaguely familiar, which was pleasant. I came out of the theatre wishing for half a second I could do something as dangerous and romantic as race around Europe with a hunted man, but then I realize, wait a second, that’s stupid. I don’t want to be Franke Potente, honestly, even though I think her name would make an absolutely hilarious swear word. I’ve had the insatiable urge to shout “Frankepotente!” all day.
What? It’s a great word. Name. Whatever.
Literally, as soon as I get home from watching Bourne Identity, the phone rings. I’m sitting in my room thinking, wouldn’t that be funny if that’s Mike on the phone, asking me and my brother to see *another* movie. Sure enough, I’m psychic. I picked up the phone and there was Mike. (What’s even funnier about this is Mike is John’s younger brother. It gets better.) He asked if Steven (my brother) and I wanted to go see Mr. Deeds. I’m not too much of a fan of Adam Sandler, but I am a fan of Frank Capra (he did the original ‘Mr. Deeds Goes to Town’ with Gary Cooper – great movie) so I was curious about how they’d redo it. So, I said, sure I’ll go. Only thing was, Steven didn’t want to go. He loaths Adam Sandler. When I told Mike this he kinda paused, then said, “But… that would be like a… a date.”
Now, Mike is never stuttery. He never pauses. He’s cocky. This was dang funny.
I replied, “It doesn’t have to be.” He paused some more, stuttered some more, about five minutes later he said okay. He picked me up, I put a sandwich into my backpack (since I hadn’t eaten lunch yet) and off we went. He drove like crazy, of course, but thankfully he didn’t poke me much in the car. (If you don’t remember, this is the same guy who, a few nights ago was poking me like crazy and chanting ‘WWF, WWF, WWF’.)
Mr. Deeds was better than I thought it would be, but it’s still one of those movies that’s destined to be repeated on USA at 1 in the morning for all eternity. That’s its extent in cinematic life, if that gives you any idea what kind of movie it is. Although, having Adam Sandler in it should be clue enough. 🙂 But, I was glad they kept the main character in the same general vein as the original, with the whole “no swearing in front of ladies” kinda small town attitude. That was important for the movie. Could have benefitted from a nice eyebrow waxing for Peter Gallagher, and what was up with his mustache? He looks so much better without having as much facial hair as a monkey.
Whoa am I being judgemental and girly today. First Matt Damon, now Peter Gallagher. I apologize to the entire mass of the opposite sex, I’m sorry.
But anyway, as soon as we’re walking out of the theatre there are his fingers again on my back; poke, poke, poke, poke, all the way out the door. And I couldn’t very well swat him away, no, that’d cause I scene and I ended up swatting the person next to me. So I let him poke me until we were out the door and I could speed walk. 🙂
Mike dropped me off, then he went home, and I had to do some chores. Boring, boring, boring, until we get to the evening. More guys came over, but these are seriously off-limits. Ever heard Annie Lennox singing, “Don’t mess with a missionary man”? This applies in this situation. But still, they ask me how the pants fit, they turn around expecting me to look at their behinds. But this time, their faces turn bright red as soon as they realize what they’ve done. It was hilarious!
As soon as they left we watched ‘A Beautiful Mind’, which my mom had rented earlier this afternoon. I think I would have liked this movie a whole lot more if it hadn’t been completely untrue. They should have just taken John Nash completely out of the story since it was so not based on his life at all except for his name, some locations, and the math crap (don’t even get me started on that.) I didn’t finish the film with a warm fuzzy feeling inside and a frog in my throat. That was completely lost because all I could think about was how awful the real people involved with John Nash must have felt about how twisted this story was, and how they made him look like the hero.
Anyway, this blog entry has gotten far too long, far too girly, and involved way too many men asking me if their pants fit right. If I had been unable to control my actions at those moments I think I would have burst out laughing and my face would have turned bright red. Thank goodness I’ve been working on anti-PMS and Girly-Out-Burst-Control (in person anyway. Can’t say much for my writing at the moment.).
Okay, that’s it, I mentioned PMS. I’m leaving. Good night.