Can we stop the ride, please? I’d like to get off.
Things have been crazy. I’m sorry I haven’t blogged. I know I’ve lost touch. I’ve been in a bit of a funk. It’s another one of those times when on the one hand, everything is fabulous, beautiful, and couldn’t be better. On the other, things really suck.
On the upside, I just got back from a great week in London. I met awesome people. Also, a very good friend of mine is coming for a visit in 6.5 days, and I’ve missed him a lot.
On the downside, I’m still not feeling well. And this time, I don’t know what it is. I’ve been on this medication that completely knocks me out. I haven’t been thinking properly ever since I got back from England. I’m just not processing things properly, I feel tired literally all the time, and yet my stomach still hurts.
This leads to other things. When I got back from England I had so much hope. I thought things were really working out. But I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten anywhere because I haven’t been able to think, I haven’t seen any form of results in my own work. I haven’t even been able to update the Daily Prophet.
My friend Devin told me he got his entire Catholic parish to pray for me, that I’ll feel better soon. I’m trying to hold out faith that it’ll work.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still slightly depressed. This happens time and time again. I have these great “Meggish” dreams, as Rowena put it in my guestbook. I have all of these plans, I work on them as hard as I can. Other people in authority even tell me what a great job I’m doing. For instance, I just got a letter from the Virginia State Delegate for Education, Transportation, and Science & Technology, Thomas Rust. He went on and on about what a great job I’m doing, how intelligent I seem, and in particular, how impressive he thinks my resume is. Especially considering my age.
You know what, if my resume’s impressive, why can’t I get a simple job as a web designer? Why am I still sitting in this chair in my room, living with my parents? Why does it feel like I’m stuck in a box that I can’t get out of?
I’m still working as much as I can whenever I have the energy. I really feel that a change of scenery and a sense of purpose would do me a world of good. If I have something to do, I find the energy to push myself and make things happen. But that’s tough when it feels like I’m spinning my wheels.
So, are you one of the hundreds of people who feel that my resume is impressive? Are you yet another person who believes in The Daily Prophet, all that it stands for, and all that it could do to improve the state of education? Are you another person that has faith in my abilities to change the world? Then please, I’m begging you, help me do something about it. I’m not in any condition to make my way out of this box on my own. Alexander the Great still had armies to back him up when he built the largest empire the world has ever seen.
But why kind of army do I need? Here’s a list of options:
1) Funding. I need some kind of sponsor for the Daily Prophet that can invest enough money so that I can purchase a server and hosting for the expansion of the Daily Prophet. Not only that, I need to be able to pay a programmer to set it up, and I also need enough money to live off of myself so that I can dedicate all of my time and energy to it. I want this to be a paid full-time job, because otherwise I can only dedicate odd weekends to it. And as we’ve all seen as of late, that’s just not enough.
2) A Job. If the first option won’t work, I need a job. I need a job that will allow me to find a change of scenery. I’m not asking for much, just some job where I can feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. That’s all. I’m really sick of hearing people tell me how great my resume is, but constantly being turned away by potential employers.
3) A Producer. If the first two options won’t work, I’d still really love to work on Walkabout – my idea for an educational children’s travel show. Traveling is my number one hobby, the one thing that always makes me smile. I love every aspect of it, and as I think is evident in my London Logs, that love comes through in my writing. I think it’d positively explode on television (in a good way). I have loads of ideas, I just need someone to listen to them, someone who has the power to turn it into a reality if they like what they hear.
4) A cure. Why, after so many years, am I still undiagnosable? People all of the world have the strangest most unexpected diseases, and yet so many of them get treated. I’m an enigma, and I’m tired of it.
That’s what I need. Just two out of those four things. Any two. Honestly, numbers one and three would be more exciting to me than number two, but I’d still be okay with it. I’d be more than okay. I’d be thrilled. I’d be happy. I’d have something to do.
On a slightly happier note, I got accepted to Courtauld. Sort of. They said they don’t have any places for me this year, but they gave me an unconditional place in 2004. I don’t know if I want to wait that long for a degree that I don’t really need. Instead of art, I think I’ve decided to go get an MBA. I think it would serve me better in regard to my future business plans.
So. Now. I want a game to play, but unfortunately my computer has also decided to turn against me. Thank heavens for Paul. He’s being sweet and generous enough to fix it for me, including getting some new essential parts. I’ve spent four days trying to reinstall The Sims just so I can play a little bit to let out some steam, but instead it keeps crashing halfway through the install. I’ve reinstalled windows, I’ve formatted hard drives, and still nothing. Time for more parts for the machine! Three cheers for Paul, because without him, I’d be without hope for this stupid old computer.
I think that’s all out of me for now. I’ll try to write more, but I’m not going to make promises. Who knows when I’ll blog again. I’m trying, I’ve just been avoiding it because I didn’t think people wanted to hear about my problems. But Kevin told me tonight that people blog about more mundane things than this, so I might as well. So here I am.