*sigh* I think I’m getting put through another big emotional test at the moment: just how long can I withstand being really nervous before I crack? Translating Drew got through to the Count’s office today, but yet again couldn’t make an appointment. Dear, sweet Translating Drew is going to wake up at three o’clock in the morning to call again, when it’s 9:00am in Germany. That’s when the secretary assured him the Count would be in the office and available to make the appointment. I kind of drove myself mad again today being as nervous as I was. But I think that was exacerbated by the fact that I was pretty ill today anyway. You know, here’s some wise advice for you: never eat prosciutto before noon. I’m not even sure that’s what made me ill, but I’m sure it didn’t help. I couldn’t stand to eat much at all today until around eight o’clock this evening when I finally decided I needed to force myself to eat something. It was tough. I had to stop myself and drop everything twice today because I just felt so horrible. I went out early with my Mom this morning to go out to lunch and take care of some things on the Army base. Then I just had to come home – I got white as a ghost, my eyes wouldn’t stay open, my stomach hurt like nobody’s business, and my head felt like it was being split open at the seams. Once I got home, I put on my pajamas, went to the basement, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, and watched an old Cary Grant movie. After two and a half hours of laying down, I felt somewhat normal again so it was back to business.

Mom and I went shopping, but I didn’t last long. I really needed to find a coat and some shoes to take to Germany, but after three stores I was spent again. Same problems as before, just worse. I fought it out through the Smithsonian Outlet and Saks Fifth Avenue, and then that was that. I nearly fell asleep on the way home. By the time I got home, it was back to the pajamas, the couch, and the comfort of the big screen TV. I stayed there until midnight and thankfully I do feel a bit better. I’m at least not as white as I was before. Man, I looked positively scary. When I get white, I get downright albino, then my face goes all pink around my eyes. The only good thing that comes from this is my hair tends to look a different, prettier color next to the extremely white skin. Must be something to do with the dramatic contrast that I’m just not used to seeing.

I think what happened was first off, I woke up too early. I *never* function well when I have to wake up really early. Then, I didn’t have time to eat anything and had to wait an hour before I could finally feed myself. This was my second mistake – I couldn’t find any healthy breakfast foods on the Army base, so I opted for a prosciutto and havarti sandwich. It was really good, but after five bites I’d had enough.


Third mistake: not eating enough. This only made the headache worse, which then shut me off from noticing when I was hungry again. Instead, I just felt sour all over. I interpreted this as having a stomach ache and not being able to eat much at lunch. I ate a fourth of my cheeseburger.


From there on out, the cycle kind of repeated. I felt sick and couldn’t eat. Not eating made me feel worse. Then, to top it all off, gradually throughout the day I’ve been getting more and more nervous over the phone call that will go down in about two and a half hours. I’m feeling a sense of foreboding, and I don’t know why. I think I’m just realizing that it’s coming down to the wire now and it’s all or nothing. And that makes me nervous. And being nervous makes me sick.

I really need to learn how to control that better. Thankfully I should be able to sleep in tomorrow and I know that will help. I’ll get a good night’s sleep and everything will feel better.

I think I’m going to go lay down, though. I’m still not feeling too well. Maybe I’ll read something. I really wish I could take a percocet for my head, but the problem is I’ve already reached my limit this week and my body’s starting to acclimate to it too much. I swear, I’m part borg – if I take certain medications for too long, I become immune to them and they do *nothing*. That’s happened with tylenol, aspirin, motrin, and a bunch of the other typical pain killers. Scary, huh? I’m just glad they haven’t attached those icky metal robot bits to me yet. I’m really not into post-apocalyptic metallic fashion, thankyouverymuch. 🙂