I had to wake up early to drive all the way to Bethesda, Maryland today to see another Neurologist in order to get a second opinion on this whole Chiari Malformation thing that cropped up on an MRI I had done a few months ago. I was eager to see another doctor, since cute Dr. Carroll has been so set on his migraine theory.


I was early for my appointment, as all good patients should be, but guess what. Even though I was the first patient of the day, this doctor made me wait for a whole hour. I was then evaluated by some kind of underling, who then had to go get the real doctor. I had to wait twenty minutes for that. Then, in comes this witchy woman who won’t stop asking me if I took some kind of illegal drugs the day before I passed out back in July. She kept giving me that awful look, “I know you’re lying, you’re just a druggie and I know it.” I *hate* that. Just cause some kids are screwed up doesn’t mean all of us are. Makes me think of that time when I was getting ready to have a bone scan done and this doctor wouldn’t stop asking me if there was a chance I could be pregnant. He gave me that same pretentious look. I was fourteen at the time and really offended because he asked me over a dozen times, and with each repitition his tone became all the more accusatory. I finally dropped my medical records onto the table (they were big, made a nice noise), and said, “Look! If I’m pregnant, then you have to call the Pope!” That finally shut him up.

So this neurologist lady made me angry. She wouldn’t stop. She even got mad at me for having percocet. It’s not *my* fault I have percocet, *I* didn’t write the prescription, and it’s not *my* fault it’s the only thing that works. To top it all off, she refused to even look at the worrying MRI. All she said was, “About a hundred people a day come in here with their tonsils out of whack. If I looked into every case I’d just be wasting my time.” Excuse me, but this has nothing to do with tonsils, and lady, you’re an idiot. She wouldn’t give me anything for the pain, but instead just gave me more migraine medication. How many pills do we have to go through before these people get it through their heads? I’ve been on four different kinds of supposedly definitive migraine medications, and none of them have worked. That should be a sure-fire sign that there’s something else going on in my skull.

I was ticked. Still kind of am. I was driving along the beltway, getting angrier and angrier as I thought of all the sleep I lost, all the time I wasted, and how much my head hurt. I decided I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day like this, so I’d better find a way to make myself happy.

That’s when I remembered my good friends at BMW. 🙂 I headed straight for my local dealership, walked in, and said to the receptionist, “I’ve had a bad day, I need to visit my Z4.” She smiled and understood right away. I was a little daunted at first, cause there’s this crotchety old guy that works there – he doesn’t play The Game too well – and sure enough, he was the one that came out to greet me. He copied my driver’s license, got the keys to the car, and just as we were about to pull out, salvation arrived. That is, someone pulled up in a gold 740 who happened to have an appointment with said crotchety old guy. The Old Guy handed me the keys to the Z4 and said, “You know the area, right?” I nodded, and he said, “Have a nice time, just bring it back when you’re done.”

I got it all to myself!! I was SO happy! It was a beautiful merlot red 3.0l. I put the top down, set the radio on some heart-pounding rock, and turned the volume up once I was out of earshot of the dealership. I wound around for a while, until I found a very nice curvy empty road. I went up and down it twice, each time going about 75mph. It was amazing. I also got to scare the crap out of a Ford Taurus. Tee hee, they so deserved it…

By the time I got back I had the biggest smile on my face and all anger at the neurologist had melted away. It was all worth it, because I was in a convertible. And convertibles make everything in the world okay.

I returned the car after about fifteen minutes of driving around. I said good-bye to the crotchety old guy and out I went, happy as could be. I tried calling home to see if anyone was going to be mad at me for not coming home right away, but since no one was there, I figured why stop while I was ahead? 🙂

Around the corner I went to the new Ferrari/Maserati dealership. 😀 I’ve been meaning to go for ages because while it was being built I was all excited and promised myself I’d go inside one of these days. Today was the day, dagnabbit. I waltzed inside, danced around the lobby full of beautiful Ferraris, and then the nice receptionist asked if I’d like to have someone answer my questions. Why not?

A few moments later, Todd emerged and we started hovering around the beautiful bright red 360 Spider. He was very nice, let me ask some pretty stupid questions, and educated me in the ways of the Ferrari. And guess what else? He even opened up the back of the car so I could look at the engine, and he let me sit in it. 🙂 Extra points for me! They may not sound like much, but believe me, it’s a privilege to be allowed to sit in one of those. Why? Because this particular Ferrari was worth $220,000.

We ooo-ed and aww-ed over it, we talked for a while, I played the game as expertly as I knew how. Then I asked if there was some kind of brochure or something I could take with me in order to oogle and think about buying one. He took me over to the little Ferrari store and handed me a book all about the 360 Spider and said I could have that one, on the house. Normally these books cost $20, but nope, I got it for *free*! More points for me!

As we were walking back towards the Spider, caught in its gravitational pull, he asked if I’d like to have a go in a Maserati convertible. He said it’s not quite the same as the Ferrari, but that it would give me a better idea of what it was like. My eyes lit up, he got the keys, and out we went. He drove first so he could illustrate the lovely clutchless manual/automatic 6-gear transmission – the gearshift is located by the steering wheel, so you never have to take your hands off the wheel. Ingenius, eh? It’s actually quite a lot like BMW’s, but I let him explain his little heart away anyway. 🙂

We went back down the same road I had found in the Z4, only this time, we went up to 100mph. Finally, he turned to me and asked, “Are you ready?” We pulled to the side, switched seats, and off I went. All he said was, “Now, don’t kill me, here we go!” And off I went. 100mph on a beautiful, empty, tree-lined Virginia road. Mmm. I, of course, slowed down pretty soon, since the speed limit was 25mph. 🙂 I even got to do a U-turn in it. Man, that was fun. I was never too keen on Maseratis before, I always thought they were “cute” but that was it. As Todd and I were sitting at the stop light, waiting to turn left, he faced me and said, “Is it still only ‘cute’?” Let me tell you, I’ve been converted, and if the Ferrari’s even better than the Maserati, there’s no going back.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t too worried driving a car worth about $95,000. I still had fun, I still took sharp turns, I still went *way* over the speed limit. It was awe-inspiring. I think it suited me.

That wasn’t the end of my record-smashing Tiffany’s Game Marathon, though. Ooh no. When we got back to the dealership, Todd backed it up into the parking space and then he said, “Hey, want to see the service area where we take care of the racing cars?” I got a whole personal, private tour of the restricted back area of the Ferrari dealership. I got to touch the Ferrari that just won some big American race (I forgot the name, whoopsies.) But guess what? Turns out I have nice taste in Ferraris – the one I picked out is the same one they use in the races. Imagine that. 🙂 So I got to touch two of the racers, and then we started talking about vintage Ferraris. I said my absolute favorite was the 1967 Ferrari Dino. He gave me an incredulous look and said, “We walked past a Dino, how could you not have noticed?” So back we went and there, high above us, was a 1973 Ferrari Dino. He ordered someone to lower it so I could look inside and all. It was spectacular! I’ve never seen one in person before. It wasn’t quite the ideal year, but lovely nonetheless.

Just counting the total of the cars that I had access to, here’s the break-down of the list:


Car: 2003 BMW Z4 3.0l – Worth: $42,000 – Access: Private test drive

Car: 2002 Ferrari 360 Spider – Worth: $220,000 – Access: Fiddle with the engine, as well as allowed to sit inside and examine interior. Usually not allowed at such dealerships.

Car: Maserati Convertible – Worth: $90,000 – Access: Extended test drive, allowed to go up to speeds of 100mph.

Car: 2002 Ferrari 360 Spider Dell Racer – Worth: $250,000 – Access: Allowed to trace the contours of the car with my fingers, which should be considered remarkable due to the car being privately owned and located in special restricted area of the dealership.

Car: 2002 Ferrari 360 Spider Orange Racer – Worth: $250,000 – Access: (Another one!) Allowed to trace the contours of the car with my fingers, which should be considered remarkable due to the car being privately owned and located in special restricted area of the dealership.

Car: 1973 Ferrari Dino – Worth: $78,000 – Access: Car was specifically lowered from its maintenance bay so I could look at the interior and touch the car.

Grand total: $930,000. Time: 45 minutes.

Isn’t that exciting? A whole new record! I can’t imagine what I’ll have to do next in order to beat that. And to think I didn’t even have make-up on when I went or anything. I was just in my black Calvin Klein jeans and a drab gray sweater. I wonder what I could have done if I were in a suit and everything… Oooo. I may have to try that again. 🙂