— Sorry this got so long, but this is really important to me and I’ve put a lot of thought into it, so please take the time to read it. —

Saturday night I was going a bit stircrazy after being pretty much confined to the house because of this mono business. I wanted to get out, but because I haven’t recovered all the way, I couldn’t do something that was too strenuous. Mom offered to take me to see a movie – “The Forgotten” – so around 8:00pm we went out to the local movie theatre. We were quite early, so we sat through the miserable commercials and previews, all the while really irritated by these two different groups that were chock full of about two dozen teenagers. Most of them looked like they were under 17 and they just couldn’t hold still. They went from one group of seats to the next, finally resting with each group taking over one side of the theater.

They started to quiet down a little toward the end of the previews, and were somewhat reserved when the movie started. Unfortunately, five minutes into the movie, the reel shut off and the lights in the theater turned back on. That’s when a teenager from each group shouted, at the top of their lungs, a variety of obscenities.

The whole theater – literally the whole theater – heard it in excruciating detail. The faces on the people around me showed that I wasn’t the only one shocked by the behavior. But, sadly, it got worse. Three boys to my right stepped into the aisle and marched out of the theater, booming as they repeated the F-word over and over again.

Mom and I just couldn’t take it. After those boys left, the teenagers just kept swearing, and loudly. We were in a bad mood, I came to the theater in order to feel better, and didn’t feel like putting up with that crap. We went out, talked to a manager, and got our money back. When we told her what had happened, she was disgusted as well. According to her judgement, it was bad enough that she stopped the film once again, and gave the people in the theater a little talking-to.

I’ve been thinking about their behavior and wondering why language like that is tolerated. What do their parents think? I mean, I know I’m no saint, even I slip sometimes and swear on occasion. But what warrants the screaming of obscenities in public? Certainly not having a movie reel stop abruptly.

Perhaps it’s just a form of social darwinism. If, at their age, I had behaved in such a way, I don’t think I would have accomplished a tiny fraction of what I’ve accomplished in my little teenage lifetime. Will those kids ever amount to much? Will they continue those habits into the workplace and swear that badly in the office?

People often tell me that as a home-schooler, I missed out on the socialization that high school provides. If screaming obscenities in public is their idea of socialization, then I consider myself lucky to have escaped it. I’ve accomplished more without it, I’ve had a richer life because of it, and I don’t feel the need to swear loudly in front of my friends simply so they’ll think I’m cool.

Of course, I think a lot of the language used by teenagers – and even a lot of 20-somethings – these days is despicable, and I don’t just mean the profanity. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the word “pimp.” I read a study several months ago that provided a list of warning signs that women should look out for when dating, certain small things that could be indicative of abusive tendencies in men. The first thing on that list was the prevalent use of the words such as “pimp,” or “bitch-slap.” I didn’t believe it at first, but that study was proven right in my own life.

For those of you who are new, back in February and March I was stalked by a man I met at church. The situation became so volatile that the stalker cased my house, threatened to rape me, spread rumors about me around my church that have yet to dissipate, the police became involved, and the only way I could escape feeling threatened was to fly to London immediately and live with a close friend for a month. And even then, an ocean between myself and that man, whenever I would see something move unexpectedly out of the corner of my eye, I’d be reduced to screaming and cowering in a corner.

Like I said, I met my stalker at church. He seemed like a little bit of an outsider, so I made an effort to befriend him, despite what I thought were just socially awkward behaviors. I had no major warning that the man I was trying to befriend would turn around and stalk me weeks later, would say such horrible things about me in public, and threaten to harm me physically. The only warning I ever had was his language. He constantly referred to himself as a “pimp”, in a way that everyone thought was a joke. When a woman would tease him, he would lightly touch her cheek and say she’d been “bitch-slapped.” When something was cool, it was “pimpin” or “pimpalicious.” He reveled in it. At first, I didn’t think much of it – like I said, maybe he was just socially awkward, maybe a bit immature. But, looking back, it was my only warning that he was a chauvinistic, dangerous man.

“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is one of the biggest lies I have ever heard. The behavior of those teenage boys at the movie theater, the language used by my stalker before any specific threat was issued; I believe in both instances their choice of words shows something deeper and more sinister than the quality of their vocabulary. Although the boys at the theater knew the social ramifications of using the F-word, they used it in front of young women that I assume are their friends. They screamed it in public. I loathe the F-word, for everything it means, for every instance in which I have heard it used. I’ve seen men fired from their jobs for saying it at work, I’ve seen officers in the military demoted for using it in front of women. Never do I think it is justified, and it will always be crude and disrespectful of women, no matter how many times it is used in primetime television, no matter how many times pop culture tries to tell us it is acceptable.

That said, personally I believe that use of the word “pimp” is far more offensive. Going simply by definition, a pimp is a felon who enslaves others – be it women, men, or even children – in order to sell them as sex objects. Who convinced us as a society that it is culturally okay to revel in being called a pimp, to think that it’s cool? Who convinced women to tolerate that kind of language from men? It promotes, even subconsciously, the chauvinism inherent in the felony itself. The reason that word was included in the study as a warning is because it represents an ideology where a man owns a woman, has the right to sell any part of her, and has complete and utter control over her life. A man enslaving a woman. Sounds like chauvinism and abuse to me.

A lot of people have claimed that their use of the word “pimp” has nothing to do with the felony, or the lifestyle of pimping. Let’s put that in context. Would they still laugh if I called them a murderer, and thought it was cool? What about if I called them a pedophile? What if pop culture tells us that calling each other child molesters is cool? What about if suddenly something cool is referred to as “rapealicious”? Is that really any different than the root meaning of the word “pimp”?

I’ve made it a rule that I will no longer associate with any man or woman who uses the word “pimp” as commonly or as ruthlessly as my stalker did. I got burned because I didn’t listen to a small, simple warning. A red flag was there, and I brushed it aside, excusing it as pop culture. Do I think every person who uses that word will turn out to be an abusive, threatening, and violent stalker? No, but it certainly shows a callous disrespect for women, even if it just means they refuse to acknowledge the true meaning of a word they use so lightly.

I’m disgusted that so many people have bought into the culture that has touted the use of “pimp” and similar words. Do you think the people who started it didn’t realize what they were doing? By participating in any culture that urges us to forget the meaning of dangerous language, we’re setting the women’s rights movement back hundreds of years, and we’re endangering the welfare of countless women just like me, who may ignore warning signs in the name of pop culture.