 |
I love peanut butter. Peanut butter is the best thing for all of us sandwich eaters. Creamy, chunky, honey-roasted – all varieties of peanut butter could save us from utter destruction! George Washington Carver was a great man, a visionary, the wisest man to ever walk the earth! We should all follow in his peanut buttery footsteps. Anyone who doesn’t like peanut butter is a right wing jamstian fundie, a liar, an imbecile. And yet, grape jelly actually won. Morons! Peanut butter’s way, way better. Jelly just smeared us in its evil sadistic jammy purpleness and too many peanut-lovers were stuck to their seats, which kept them from going out and buying peanut butter. Yup, that explains it. Peanut butter didn’t lose, we were jammed. Anyone who hates peanut butter’s evil, they’re just too stupid to notice peanut butter’s obvious superiority and they don’t deserve to buy peanut butter, let alone go inside the grocery store. They’re so stupid and so blind to the truth of the peanuts that it’s downright unbelievable.
Hmm, or maybe if I’d quit calling people nasty names just for preferring a different schmear than me, we could actually make a delightful sandwich together… Without the name calling and viciousness, that peanut butter tastes real good with a bit of grape jelly. I’d better get started soon, or my bread will go stale, and then, no sandwiches for anybody. |
Sure I’ll walk in Carver’s footsteps, but I am certainly not walking bare-foot in his peanut buttery footsteps. Ewww yuck!
You suck! Jelly is BETTER! For the world!
And don’t even get me started on the morons who voted for Jam (which just served to steal votes from Jelly).
Brilliant. 😉
Let us all remember that both the peanuts and the grapes are squished by the corporate powerhouse to placate the tastes of the common man. Mr Peanut is merely the sound bite, generic face of years of oppression. That’s right, dress up the peanut, make him tap dance and sing for The Man. Make us all feel good about the evil conspiracy behind that happy face. tee hee.
You are a genius, my dear.
Whatever. Weirdo.
The analogy is not that apt; more correct would be comparing the election to a peanut and anchovy sandwich. With the tasty peanut butter being soiled by the hideous anchoviness. We do not need a coming together of these two sides, what we need is the peanut butter to reign supreme and the utter annhilation of anchovies. Thus, I am hereby declaring war on the stinkin’ anchovies and anchovy sympathizers until everone of those salty, slimy, fishy, lying, amoral, freaks lies rotting in the street. Um ok, sorry about that, I forgot to take my medication this morning.