I have often been accused of being a confusing person when it comes to signals. I’m bad at sending certain signals to others, and I’m doubly bad at reading them. But this holiday season, this has gone too far.

    My Mom is part of this group called The Red Hat Society. It’s a bunch of ladies who get together, be eccentric, and wear purple outfits with red hats “which do not go.” From what I understand, it’s a predominantly menopausal ‘Girl Power’ thing. She just joined this year, so she’s real big into this whole purple/red color scheme.

    Because none of us wanted to dig through the storage room to find all of our traditional ornaments, I decided to decorate our Christmas Tree in honor of my Mom’s obsession with the Red Hat Society. She and I went to Target, we bought purple and red glass balls and red Christmas lights. Big, big mistake.

    When I pulled into my driveway tonight, returning home from a movie, I could see that the Christmas tree was glowing in the living room. Traditionally lit Christmas tress are supposed to be happy holiday reminders, a brilliant pinnacle of good cheer and greed. But what does mine glow in reminiscence of?

    The Red-Light District. What started out as a cute surprise for my Mother has turned my living room windows into a shining red beacon. Can anyone say ‘tacky’? And yet, I find it too strangely hilarious to change the lights. I have to admit, I am tempted to take this new theme and run with it. Remember that lamp from ‘A Christmas Story’? I think I need one to put in the front window, along with perhaps a beaded curtain and a little red devil ornament for the tree. It’d be fabulous, dahling! Thanks to Paris Hilton, I could even call this look tres chic.

    Or perhaps I should have just opted for the purple lights…