I was browsing around on the net today, looking for pictures to turn into magnets for my new bathroom, when I happened across an interesting section of the Consumer Reports website. Did you know they have a whole archive full of funny pictures from consumer product tests of yesteryear? They do! And they’re funny!
I decided these pictures deserved more than just a simple life as a new bathroom magnet; they needed more attention, they needed fame, they needed fortune! Or at least, they needed to be highlighted on my blog. So I’ve decided to start a weekly, or monthly, or whenever-I-feel-like-it Caption Contest! Whenever I get around to it, I’ll post a new picture from Consumer Reports. Then, all you lovely blog readers will get to post comments full of creative and hilarious captions for each photo, competing for freakishly cool prizes. That’s right, I’ll even give you prizes! Whoever comes up with the cleverest and funniest caption – as judged by me – will get something completely and utterly unbelievably fabulous. This week’s prize will be a magnet of your very own, featuring this week’s photograph! Ooo, isn’t that exciting?
So let’s get started. Here’s this week’s photo from a Consumer Reports test in 1938. (You can click on it to make it bigger.)
Start being creative, people! Caption away! And remember, keep it relatively clean, cause kids visit this site. If you get all dirty, I’ll be forced to disqualify you. Enter as many captions as you like, just be sure to include your email address so I can email you if you win. (Note: bribery and flattery are also helpful, so feel free to put a special link to this caption contest on your blog.) I’ll be accepting entries until I get tired of this, so you have at least a week. 🙂 Get to work! Hoorah! Isn’t this fun?
Life is often hard both for a beginning dairy farmer as well as their family.
Sadly for Cynthia she was born into a family that tended to go overboard putting up Christmas lights.
“But Daddy,” said Claire, “I don’t *want* to have a buzz cut!”
When the tecnique was first invented, hair plugs were easy to spot …
Always ask to see their diploma BEFORE you have an orthadontist do any work.
Sure your robotic Children will still work in Europe, but you will need an adapter …
… At the time it was thought that the robots couldn’t survive without the sun, but they soon discovered a new power source …
Unbeknowst to many, Edward Scissor Hands was not an only child.
After decades of research, American corporations had finally discovered a way to suck the lifeforce directly from the child.
“Mom, I totally look like a dork sitting on all these towels.”
The Borg Queen as a toddler.
!did I !ti yrT !stceffe-edis on yllautriv htiw woN !0005 recnahnE niarB devorpmi dna wen ehT
Did you really finish your brussle sprouts or did you give them to the dog to eat? Now tell me the truth, mommie will know if you’re lying.
Great I stumble on a 14 point girl now when hunting season is still two weeks away.
And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base…
Mary never knew why the other kids called her octopus head …
Daddy, did you really have to attach this with woodscrews?
When I grow up I want to be a chandalier!
Much like the sweet potato, little girls tend to sprout roots from their dorsal side.
Heather’s new Web Server.
Mothers, this is why you should never take drugs while you are pregnant.
Geez Cynthia, wearing an azeala bush on your head is so last month! Get with it!
That is straight out of Metroid.
A young Martha Stuart poses, not realizing that she was setting herself up to one day be blackmailed.
Do you have trouble loosing weight in those hard to lose areas like your calves, thighs, and head? Well with Wacutrim you can now suck your way to a thinner, more attractive you.
Next on Fox: When Milking Machines Attack.
I can’t believe it! We’ve spent 4 months building the world’s most expensive marionette, and you’ve gone and messed up the tongue.
In the case of a water landing, a mask will drop from the ceiling. Make sure to place it on your child’s head before placing it on your own.
Adrian, it is just an expression, you don’t ACTUALLY have to put your thinking cap on.
At last, your children will be able to leisurely read the comics, while homework assignments are injected straight to their brain!
While playing a Virtual Reality version of NBA Jam 1996, a young girl becomes Micheal Jordan.
And after extensive research scientists were able to discover the part of the brain that makes you stick out your tongue while bugging out your eyes.
Well, my dear, you have broken your mother’s favorite lamp. Have you anything to say for yourself? I thought not. Well of course you will be punished. Oh yes. First, you are to be put into time out in the corner. However, that is not all. Oh no, my dear. That is just the beginning. What, you may ask, would be a punishment worthy of the egregious trespass you have wrought upon the innocent lamp? My dear, I answer, you shall have a great many number of metal nozzles attached to your head connected to thick black cords.
I can sense the terror rise in you as the color drains from your face.
Good. Very good.
However, mere terror is not a fitting recompense for the beloved lamp which you have callously destroyed through your negligence! No, my dear! You should only hope to get off so easily. You shall also search the Wal-Mart advertisements in search of a replacement appliance that will be suitable for the needs of our household. Search well, for failure will be met with further chastening. Now, my dear, you could very well count yourself among the very lucky if that were all the reproving I believed you required, but alas, it is not! Lastly, and most horrendous in my opinion, you will sit upon a pile of freshly laundered towels! Ha! Surely you cannot dispute the appropriateness of this punishment?! Now, my dear, carry out my instructions and let not a murmur escape thy lips, for all this I do for your own good. Farewell, my dear, for when we meet again you will be a stronger, wiser person for the suffering you are about to endure.
“Billy, this is NOT where milk comes from.”
“Only 5 more hours and this PERM is done!
…if only I had hair to go with it.” *sigh*
Sara gets initiated into the Elks.
You think she looks silly now, wait till AFTER she gets the perm!
We have ways of making you talk!
“Hmmm, so it’s been 12 days since I went number 1, and, um, 20 days since I went number 2. If this thing works, I still think we’re going to need more towels, mommy.”
The princess for The Princess And The Pea finally gets whats coming to her. That demanding brat!
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of split ends cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Now you be a good girl and read as mommy and daddy attach wet electrodes to your head.
Everything was fine at the beauty salon until Jessica and Mary accidentally got tangled up.
Oh yes, Mr. and Mrs. Petersen, you may fully customize her however you wish before you adopt her. Her head detatches from her body and can easilly be switched out with another one like so.
Mmmmm … pudding!
You think you get audio reception on YOUR headphones, check out the base on this thing!
Make sure to vacuum your kids at least once a day – it’s just good hygene.
Blended families are becoming more and more common – little Suzie here has a human mother and an octopus father and she couldn’t be happier!
*I’m serious, I’ve been trying to think of one all day!! And that’s the best, it’s so sad!!
Oh yeah, humiliate me will you, you twisted freaks. Just wait until I grow up and put you in a retirement home. Muhahahahah
Wash and shampoo – $7
Hair Perm – $13
Going through life with a severe emotional complex – Priceless
The American Psychiatric Institute would like to thank the Johnson family for ensuring that we will all have jobs for years to come.
Ok, sweetie, mommy and daddy will be back in two weeks when the Surrealist Exhibit is over. Be nice to the tour guides and the security guards. Don’t fidget! And stick your tongue back in your mouth!
Next you’ll want to decorate your daughter with pinecones and glitter …
Now we are going to digitize your escence so that you will never get old and die despite the inexorable decay that your body will be prone to suffering due to the ravages of time. Do you understand Cindy?
Finally, the answer we have all been waiting for! THIS is where Heather’s curls really came from.
Though more ecologically sound than cars, individual trolly cars, never really caught on.
Um ok, I’m stretching.
“Ok, sweetie, mommy and daddy will be back in two weeks when the Surrealist Exhibit is over. Be nice to the tour guides and the security guards. Don’t fidget! And stick your tongue back in your mouth!”
Heehee that was great!
Wicked Witch of the West voice:
I’ll get you my pretty and your little bear too! Uh… and that newspaper… and those towels. Oh wait and those, er, black things on your head. Wait do I want those? No, on second thought, I’ll get your little shoes too! Umm, they look like they might pinch a little. No you can keep those, but you and the bear are mine! Oh and that newspaper! Say, what ya reading anyway?
After the ultimate failure of the American education system, the government had to resort to chemically implanting information into childrens’ brains, ironically making reading that book entirely pointless.
All the homies agree: that girl’s got the hook-up.
Unbeknownst to most people, telephones aren’t the only things that haven’t always been cordless.
Guy Offscreen: “Hey, everybody! Come check out my new fishing lure!”
The Matrix Has Her
With Kimmy’s vacant expression staying ever constant, it was only a matter of time before doctors performed a sonogram on her head to see if anything was inside.
In certain image-conscious cultures the perm was actually invernted BEFORE the chair.
The Blue man! Yes, the blue man!
To stop Little Susie from wetting the bed, doctors used vacuums to remove all the fluid from her body. Still, several towels were placed underneath the girl “just in case.”
RESEARCH DOCTOR: So any change in your condition?
LITTLE GIRL: Not really. Oh, I did notice I can bend light with my mind.
DOC: Wow. That’s interesting, any nausea?
GIRL: No. Anyway, I don’t think you heard me, man… I can *bend light* with my *mind*.
DOC: Really? So what do you mean exactly?
GIRL: I mean, if you want to run a laser past me, I can guarantee you that sucker ain’t gonna be straight.
DOC: So you’re saying you can literally *bend* light…
GIRL: Yep.
DOC: …just using your mind?
GIRL: Uh huh. I believe I told you that already.
DOC: I’m gonna have to page Dr. Anderson, he’s gonna have to see this.
GIRL: Oh definitely, he’d get a kick out of it.
DOC: You want a bagel?
GIRL: You bet I do, I’m starving.
Ahh, the good ol’ days when toy manufacturers weren’t hindered by silly things such as “safety” or “lead content”.
To catch a full-grown adult human, hunters will sometimes use decoys made to look like a human child.
[Said in a pirate voice]: The grapling hook is secure captain, shall we commence boarding?
This is why you must use the special anti-lice shampoo right away when there are just a few lice rather than waiting a few days.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
And here we see a young Herbet Hoover.
Before going away to science camp for the summer, Timmy came up with a way to pull his little sister’s hair in his absence.
Venus Fly Traps just can’t resist the crunchy outside and that chewy center.
You know, my dad had a PC. For the most part it was confusing and hard to use. The only thing I could use it for was to run my Reader Rabbit, Dora the Explorer, and Sesame Street programs. One day I was singing along with Elmo, when all of the sudden, the screen blinked, I smelled smoke and that was it. No more Elmo.
So as a replacement, my dad bought me my own iHead! I was so happy! Now, not only does Elmo sing, the Rabbit read, and Dora explore, but now I do a lot more with my computer. I surf the internet, check email, plan my play dates, and make more business contacts than ever before!
Thank you, Apple.
Margaret
Experiments were conducted to see if little suzy could indeed feel the pea even while sitting… No suzy the P-E-A! NOT…
Read together with the Telepathic Edition of Teddy Ruxpin.
The personification of dial-up Internet service.
“………………………….” Bing!
Heather – not sure I think this is funny. That could be me. Not sure about the expression but the machine is familiar – – it didn’t hurt a bit
but I ended up with CURLY hair. Take Care
What? I can’t hear you! I have a soldering iron in my ear!
Perseus will never think to look for me inside a house.
So this explains how Heather got so intelligent. Interesting.
The anti-aging device works a little too well.
“Animal crackers in my soup …”
Not a caption:
Okay, no one else is posting, so I think the contest is pretty much over. Go ahead and select the winner. (You should select me. I have candy!)
Hmmm … what if we replace the tether ball with a young girl …
Ah the price of beauty – I know it well.
Oddly enough she’s reading Ebony.
Oddly enough she’s reading The Economist.
Um ok it was just like my last one, but um er there are subtle differences 🙂
I’ll show that creep Joey Jansen what he’s missing out on. Leaving me for that tramp Suzy Jenkins [grumble grumble] … why I ought to [mutter mutter]
Don’t worry sweetie, no one will know that you have a prosthetic head. You can hardly even tell.
“If Steve leaves one more caption, I swear I’m gonna go Medusa on his ass…”
If our project to harness the energy of an eight year-old is successful, we may finally free mankind from its dependence on fossil fuels.
That one’s for you Chief 🙂
Ew. My nose is running.
You’ve dolts! You’ve assembled this one wrong – you put the left foot on the right side! Er um nevermind.
“You’ll never take my dead squirrel away from me! Never!”
Actually I have looked at this picture 25 times and this was the first time I noticed that she was holding a stuffed animal. Before that I just thought she had Mariachi sleeves.
From a very early age, Audrey had been known for giving men a come-hither look. Sadly for her, this was a look that she would never quite perfect.
No, no, no. The song says to accentuate the POSITIVE. You are supposed ELIMINATE the negative.
Baby Rasputin is seen here surviving the first known attempt on its life.
They all forgot about me … all but one.
If gravity suddenly reversed, would you be prepared?
It’s at this point that she realized that what had appeared to be her shadow was actaully a hideous monster that was sucking her lifeforce.
This is why the Dark Crystal used muppets.