After a rather stressful day, I crashed in the basement, turned on the television, and watched a cartoon. Seems like a simple, innocent plan, right? You’d think so, but you’d be wrong. Because apparently the world is ending, the apocalypse is now, and we have toy manufacturers to thank for that.

    Unless you’ve been living under a rock, it should be no surprise that our society has been hounding children with overtly sexualized media for years now, decades even. It seems that each and every year, this message of sexuality has been targeted at younger and younger ages. When it got so bad that Abercrombie & Fitch was selling thongs to 7 year old girls, I didn’t think we could sink any lower. Apparently we have.

Click to enlarge photo!     Meet Roxxi! She’ll be your host for the evening; she’s sexy, she’s a year old, and she refuses to be potty-trained! Watch out boys, this spit-up’s for you.

    While watching Spongebob Squarepants I saw an ad for this set known as Bratz Babyz Twiinz. I’ve never been a fan of the Bratz line – they’re nothing but emaciated pre-teen hookers. Or rather, excuse me, hookerz. But despite my disgust, I wasn’t too surprised by it. Society’s been promoting the sexualization of preteen girls for decades; it’s apparent in the preference toward anorexic shaped women a la Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss, and so on and so forth. Sure, it’s disgusting and sends a horrible message to girls and women. But it’s been around so long that it just wasn’t that shocking anymore. But I really didn’t think we’d sink so low as to start promoting the sexualization of infants.

    The descriptions of the dolls from the manufacturer aren’t at all reassuring, proving that the way the dolls look is no marketing faux-pas. Each doll comes with some form of lingerie, be it bikini panties, boyshorts, peek-a-boo lace miniskirts, or a full-on teddy (nope, not your typical teddy, a Victoria’s Secret for Kids teddy.) Of course, all of these are cut as low-riders, to help baby show off her killer abs. What’s worse is these get-up’s that would make a transvestite blush are referred to as “outfits.”

    No indecent lady of the night would be seen on the streets without her accessories. Don’t leave home without your handy S&M bottle caddy, complete with bondage chain strap. And just to make sure not to offend anyone, be sure to include a couple minorities – after all, your friendly neighborhood child prostitution ring is an equal opportunity employer!
Click to enlarge photo

Click to enlarge photo     What’s that? Madame got a call from a high-power client who needs an escort for the evening? Don’t worry, these babies can tart it up with the best of them! Just grab that tiara and that teddy and you’re ready to go! No, no, not *that* teddy again, the pink lace teddy that’s the sauciest thing this side of Frederick’s of Hollywood of course. Just don’t forget to change that nappie and put her down for her nap, or this colicy dream girl won’t let you hear the end of it.

    Is it just me, or is this supremely wrong? I honestly don’t know which is worse, that someone’s actually getting away with sexualizing infants, or that parents are actually buying Gary Glitter’s Prostitute Babies for their six year old girls. I mean, what the hell? Who would buy this for their little girl? What is it saying to those impressionable minds? “Look, sweetie, if only you’d learned how to properly wear a thong before you could walk, you’d have a man by now!”

    I really, sincerely wish there was something I could do to stop this, because I can’t even begin to imagine the impact these toys are going to have on future generations. If they were just little-known toys, that’d be one thing. But these things have won awards! They’re top-sellers! These horrible little plastic trollops are actually popular, which means girls are buying into this and parents are allowing it. Really, when did the world go so wrong as to allow the sexualization of infants? Preteens were bad enough, we don’t need to keep sinking lower and lower. What’s next, Sexy Semenz Dollz? Saucy Chromosomez?

    It has to end somewhere. Remember what I said a while back about changing things, one decision at a time? Somehow we’ve slipped, and it’s about time we change something before we end up with girls so backwards when it comes to sex, relationships and self identity that they start thinking child prostitution is the next big toy trend (batteries not included, of course). Maybe a good place to start would be to write to MGA Entertainment, the idiots who make this crap, and the stores that sell it to these poor kids. It’s a start at least. Now excuse me while I go throw up.