If I had attempted to write this blog yesterday morning, I would have told you that I was miserable and feeling worse than ever. I’m sorry to say that my attempts at pain relief led to a rather violent reaction, if you know what I mean, and I was a very unhappy camper. However, that event led to a detox day that has ended up making me feel much better, much to my surprise. Of course, the detox day involved much more than just stripping myself of various pain patches and refusing to take any more oral medication.

    Lots of things have made me feel better, including but not limited to: late-night conversations with loving friends, cheerful magazine subscriptions, post-operative plans & daydreams, unashamed stupid television, multiple Discovery Channel Chillows (oh how I love them), new amazing music, planning a visit with one of my best friends, magically healing presents from my wish list (yup, I’m still gonna plug it – so help me, I like presents), silly movies, a new mini fridge right here in my room, goofy magnets from Target, turning my room into an absolute icebox, and sleeping for almost 24-hours straight. Nice, eh?

    First off, I have to say, yes the green hips were because of bruising from the operation. It’s normal to bruise from liposuction, but I was a bit concerned, because this particular shade of green was extremely sickly and unnatural looking. Imagine jaundice with puke thrown in, then imagine that color on your body. All the other bruises were going away, but those weren’t and it was really, really eerie looking. But my doctor has checked it out, and it seems to be okay.

    Today was kind of a turn-around day, which I really needed after the crapload that was the past two weeks. Being forced off the pain medication for a while and getting in a good, natural sleep really helped to clear my head. I woke up more positive and I started planning and dreaming of things to do after surgery to help keep my body in shape. I’d already been thinking of a few things, but now I’m determined. I really want to start swimming again. When I lived in Tucson, Arizona years ago, I had a swimming pool in my back yard (no big deal – the vast majority of people in Tucson have a pool) and I used to swim like a fish. I love it, but I haven’t been able to do it in years because I could never find a suit to fit me for multiple reasons, and I kind of hate public pools. But I’m going to get over that hate and start resuming my fish-like ways as soon as I’m done with all these operations.

    Also, thanks to the aforementioned unashamed stupid television, I’ve been hooked on something that I’ve loved for a long, long time, but was kind of forced to forget about. Dancing. It took me a while to be comfortable with admitting this, but… I’ve been watching ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ I know it’s stupid, I know it’s trite, I know it’s just another silly reality show. But come on, give me some slack, I’m stuck in bed all day and I’m hard pressed for entertainment. Besides, I absolutely love dancing. Normally I like to be the one dancing, but I’ll take what I can get in the meantime. Ballroom is such an amazing study in motion, flexibility, artistry, and athleticism. As odd as this may sound, I like it for all of the same reasons I love automotive racing – it’s the marriage of creativity and power, perfectly intertwined to create something amazing, something super-human, something remarkable; most importantly, something beautiful. A well made car is exactly that, and watching a well-trained ballroom dancing couple is just as astounding to me. It’s the beauty and artistry of motion, just expressed in another way.

    Sure, ‘Dancing With the Stars’ isn’t exactly upper-level ballroom, but I like that it’s opening people up to new and different forms of expression, movement, and art. I caught a ballroom dancing competition on PBS and egads, I’m dying to get out there and shake my groove thing. As soon as I feel up to it, I’m going to make it a point to go to Glen Echo at least every other month for their big swing dances, take the lessons they offer before the dance, and use it as a way to keep in shape. It’ll be fun and just another way to take advantage of the new body I’ll have after I’m done tackling this Dercum’s crap. In the meantime, however, it’s fun to live vicariously through the slightly scary ballroom dancing competitions and the silliness that is ‘Dancing With the Stars’. That said, vote for Stacy next week. She kicks butt.

    Hehe, oh, and another daydream for after surgery… I want to be on the cover of Town & Country. I’ve been toying with that idea for a while, but now, I really really want it. Their spring fashion issue, along with Isaac Mizrahi’s show and Ralph Lauren’s fall line, have all inspired me to dress to the absolute nine’s when this is all done. I’ll have a new body, and dang it, I’m going to take advantage of it. Not that I needed any more encouragement, but now I’m turning into an absolute fashionista and I love it. But I’m determined to get on that cover, and when I do, you can bet part of that article won’t just be about the clothes, but there’ll be a bit in there about Dercum’s Disease as well. People need to know about it, and as much as I love the website, it’s just not enough. I need to do more, cause no one should have to go through this, it should never, ever get this far before treatment. There’s no reason for me to say, “Someone else will take care of this,” because no one else ever does. Why not me.

    Another nice, unexpected delight from getting into watching ballroom dancing is the music. My favorite dance from the competition on PBS was this couple who danced to this amazing DJ mix featuring an audio track of Frank Sinatra just talking about rhythm. That song was just jaw-droppingly cool. So smooth and hip, I loved it the instant I heard Frank and those spectacular bongos. It’s called ‘Hip Hip Chin Chin’, by Club Des Belugas, Yaziko Club Mix. I swear, it’s the smoothest thing I’ve heard since Verve Remixed and it’s my new favorite song.

    It’s been getting cold again here in DC after a rather bizarre warm front and I’m incredibly grateful for that as well. Even though it’s been getting down to around twenty degrees at night, I’ve been leaving my window open, and some nights even putting a fan on the windowsill to bring the cold air into the room. I had forgotten that heat is especially detrimental to Dercum’s symptoms, so I was needlessly making myself miserable by living like a normal person with the heater on in winter. Now my room is absolutely frigid and I feel so much better. So much so, in fact, that I can actually lay down flat on the bed without a complex layering of pillows. Let me tell you, that means more than you might think. It used to be that if my green hips even touched the bed, I’d be on the verge of tears, and hey, after having a toe amputated I’m one tough cookie. It was bad. Now, it’s tolerable and I can sit up, I can lay down, and I’m much better. I still can’t lay on my sides, but hey, I’m getting there. Thank goodness it’s winter, otherwise I’d be dying. I’m really hoping that against the odds I’ll be done with this stupidity by summer, otherwise I’m going to have to buy stock in an air conditioning company.

    Before this entry gets too long, I’ll end on two last happy notes. My Mom has been doing tons of research for me to find a new surgeon. I was feeling particularly hopeless because I had been led to believe that the hacks in Pittsburgh were the best out there, that they were so much more experienced than any other plastic surgeons in the states when it came to Dercum’s Disease. Well, they lied, and that’s about the umpteenth time I’ve been lied to or mistreated by a plastic surgeon, but it was by far the worst. I was really ticked. But my Mom, she has tracked down a few more candidates that are actually in the Washington area that so far are being remarkably cooperative, helpful, and above all else, they don’t seem like creeps. They specialize in mostly reconstructive, serious plastic surgery as opposed to just boob jobs. And best of all, they operate at Sibley Hospital, which is apparently quite the swanky place in downtown DC. Michael Jordan had knee surgery there apparently, and more appropriately encouraging me for me, they have an entire unit dedicated entirely to plastic surgery. I’m hoping this means I’ll no longer have to hear from a nurse, “But you only had plastic surgery, you don’t need narcotics!”, and hopefully I won’t face any more needless discrimination from unprofessional hacks who think I’m just some snotty entitled dipstick who’s just tired of having chubby thighs. Nurses have no right to even think that about a patient in pain, let alone have it affect their treatment of said patient, i.e. in denying them adequate pain management for 24 hours like they did to me. Sibley seems much better equipped to handle extensive plastic surgery, and frankly, as snotty as this may sound, they’re used to dealing with patients who are entitled. So even if they do think I’m that entitled brat getting liposuction as a birthday present, maybe they won’t treat me like dirt. No one deserves that, even if they do just think their thighs are chubby.

    And from what my Mom has said, so far these doctors seem so much more professional and empathetic than the last lot were. That means a lot to me, especially right now, because this is hard. Really hard. I think this is turning out to be more taxing than the toe, if for no other reason than I was told I was done. I was getting better. I was moving on to bigger, better things. Now it feels at times as if my life has ended and that I’ll never get back to where I was, to how close I was to getting my dreams worked out and on their way. These new doctors and their staff seem so much more willing to work with me, get this done right, and most importantly, help me work through the emotional crap. That means the world to me right now.

    Last but by no means least, my friends. You guys rock. Thank you for all of you concern, you sweet blog comments, your thoughtful emails, your kind gifts, and your loving attention. If it weren’t for you I might as well have given up last week when things were especially sucky. But now it looks like I’m going to get a visit from someone I haven’t seen in a year, which will be very nice, and those of you who I can’t visit with, you’ve been sweet enough to send presents. You should all know that I love you very much and you’ll never know how much you help me. Thank you. 🙂