Earlier this evening I was busily talking with a few of my friends about some very deep, serious, personal-introspectiony topics. All sorts of things have come up: dating, dealing with disease & death, more dating, emotional barriers, resurfacing childhood memories, dating, and so on and so forth. But then I was struck with the most profound thought of the evening…
Flood is a funny word. It’s spelled with an elongated O sound, and yet it’s pronounced ‘fluhd’. Why is that? We should be pronouncing it with the long o, like Flooood. (Or as my friend Andrew says, ‘Flöd’.) Where did this ‘Fluhd’ business come from? I say we should end the confusion once and for all and start a Flöd revolution! No more ‘fluhd’ silliness, it’s time for flooood! It’s more accurate, and it’s much funnier that way. And we could all use a good therapeutic laugh when dealing with floods, couldn’t we? 🙂
Anyway. Ech hem. 🙂 All of that introspection-speak is now behind me, as it’s 2:30 on a Sunday morning and – big surprise – no one else is on AIM. In yet another unwitting move away from life in the outside world, I now find myself loathing weekends. During the week I happily occupy my time distracting those friends of mine who are at work. I chatter away at them (in most cases whether they like it or not…) about who knows what, and generally enjoy myself. But on the weekends, people are out doing their free weekend things, and I have no one to talk to. This particular Saturday I accidentally slept the whole day. (Whoops.) I don’t know what caused it, but I slept from 3am until 6:30pm. Now I am wide awake, sleep nowhere in sight, and alas, no fellow nightowls are to be seen. Apparently Saturday is a day for partying, as is Saturday night.
I need to come up with a plan. Thankfully next weekend will be occupied – entertainment and companionship has already been arranged. But what about the next weekend? And the next? And the one after that? Well, I have half a plan. I’ve purchased a few books, rounded up a few more from around the house, and I’m going to do some reading. I’m attempting to relearn Italian, I’ve graduated to the next level in my therapeutic massage studies, and I’ll be rereading Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince.’ Despite the fact that my memory isn’t worth a hill of beans in this crazy world (now where have I heard that before…), I’m going to attempt to cram some more information into it anyway. If the new stuff sticks, great, if it doesn’t, then at least I’ll feel as if I’ve done something worthwhile with my time.
But sitting in bed reading all these big books can get a bit lonely. Maybe if I don’t sleep all day tomorrow I’ll attempt to get out and do something. Or not, we’ll see. Maybe my friend Brian will work his way online and I can finagle some more information out of him about how I can keep myself from being doomed at dating. You see, that was my other profound thought for the evening – I think I’m doomed when it comes to dating. Brian confirmed something I’d been afraid of for a while: on the first few dates, apparently it’s deadly for a woman to mention anyone of the male persuasion, otherwise the guy I’m dating could feel threatened or insignificant or something like that. Well, when the friends-anecdotes start cropping up in conversation, I’m eternally doomed, because almost all of my friends are men. Heck, even all of my siblings are male! Being surrounded by so much testosterone and boy-stuff all the time makes it especially difficult when friend-anecdotes coincide with topics such as cars, traveling, shopping, embarrassing moments, partying, and so on and so forth. Practically everything I do has some connection to some guy somewhere. I’ve got a snowball’s chance in Casablanca (oh, that’s where I’d heard it before…) of ever making it through a date without mentioning another man.
So what’s a girl to do? Perhaps I should start making up more female friends to complement the less than a handful I have right now. (That regularly upsets my guy friends, that I don’t have many girl friends to fix them up with. Apparently they easily forget that hey, I’m a girl! Hehe) I should start a collection of imaginary female friends. I can pretend that they’re with me wherever I go, that way I can develop a whole new crop of funny date-appropriate anecdotes. Like that one time when I went downtown with Lola, ah, that trip was so great! We started running down the Mall singing Monty Python songs, and suddenly more and more people decided to join and sing along. Soon we were leading a whole parade of Python fans straight to the Capitol! Ahhh, good times, good times…
Never mind, I suck at this. What girl named Lola would help lead a parade whilst singing “I’m a Lumberjack and I’m okay!”? Like that would be believeable… Besides, I like my guy friends, the whole herd of ’em. They’re great fun and provide an endless array of funny guy stories. They’re perfect when you need consoling, nobody’s better when you need a good laugh, and they like most of the same things I do. I just seem to understand men more than women, despite the fact I’m a woman myself (really I am, I like perfume and pink stuff and everything.) So what’s a girl-surrounded-by-guys supposed to do? Lie on dates and make up fake female friends? Or do you think men can take it when the lady they’re on a date with happens to prefer hanging around with guys?
Wait, maybe that last statement answered my question… Maybe I should start making up fake friends. Eesh, this is going to take a notebook and some serious charts to keep this straight! I think I’m going to need some help. Care to post a few suggestions? You know I’d appreciate it, as will any of my future dates. 🙂
A lot of it depends upon the insecurity of the individual man you are interested in romantically. It is not so much refraining from menetioning other men, as is bolstering your current man. It is okay, on the first few dates, to mention your male friends, but just be sure to work in a compliment for the man sitting right in front of you.
By the way, no guy should ever feel threatened my mention of your family. Unless, of course, the conversation was something along the lines of “My brothers, who work out vigorously, beat up the last guy I was dating because their punching bag broke.” :-p
I will add that mentioning past boyfriends, whether good or bad, is generally not kosher on the first few dates.
You are NOT a dating disaster. Dating is all about finding, and refining the skills needed to attract the opposite sex. If a date in the past didn’t work out, try your best to figure it out why, and consider it a lesson learned. Beleive me, we all have anecdotes about dates that have gone bad.
Yes, like Wise Grasshopper said, dating is only practice. It’s when it develops into a full-on serious relationship that it becomes the actual game. So, if you miss a few free throws, don’t feel too bad. It’s when you get into the game that you should be going for the goal.
Just remember: the best defense is a good offense. (Or is it “the best offense is a good defense”? Gah, I’m so confused!)
Gender bend the names 🙂
Alistair –> Alison
Sujit –> Suzy
Stephen –> Stephanie
Jay –> well um Jay
Tim –> Sally (er or not)
etc
I hope women don’t get as jealous cause all my anecdoites start with “I was making out with Heidi at the Opera …” or “So Sarah and I were kissing in her dad’s barn …”. Kidding.
Unless Jay’s already female, I’d go with “Jane.”
NO SUZY! You’re bringing back very bad memories from high school!
Aaaaaah! Thank goodness I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity not to have a mental breakdown or collapse from Stephanie’s suggestion! 😉
But seriously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with talking about your friends, they are who they are and if the lucky guy you are dating feels threatened, then maybe he doesn’t know you as well as he should.
Don’t give up and don’t feel bad, it’s a hard thing to figure out. Some of us are still trying to get things right! 😉
On dates I never talk about myself or friends. Instead I make up an alter ego and talk about my alter ego and his friends. It adequately fills the time during dinner and avoids all that messy emotional intamacy that woman are always bugging me for.
It might be easier to start with your female friendly acquaintances. Or just acquaintances. Or girls you used to be friends with. That way, you have something to build up from. Just pretend you know your acquaintances better than you really do! Or that all the females you know online live in your town so you go out with them all the time and have wacky adventures. You have more of an advantage at this new game than you think. There are plenty of women you know in the world! They don’t have to be imaginary for you to make stuff up about them!
The Prince is very dry in case you hadn’t already noticed. That was one of my textbooks for the 50-page-Enron-Paper class last year.