Looking back now, knowing what little I know after 21 years, I think my favorite part of being a child was the freedom from inhibition. I look at children now, like my nephews for instance, and I realize how free they are from so many things. Primarily, the freedom for human contact.

    A kid who lives in an environment where they’re loved receive several hugs throughout the day. When they leave for school, they get a hug. When they come home from school, they get a hug. When a parent returns from work, they get a hug. When they go to bed, they get a hug and a kiss. And in between all that time, if they’re playing with siblings or friends, if they feel the urge to hug, they’re free to do it. Personal space never seems to get in the way of the need for human touch.

    When they grow up, though, those desires are curtailed by being stripped of all innocence. Suddenly you’re told that human contact is sexual, and that those desires should be channelled into intimacy with a partner. All forms of human contact are placed inside categories, and there are rules that must be upheld. Holding hands no longer means, “Hey! You’re my friend, let’s run off into the world and play!” Instead, holding someone’s hand means you love them, or at least like-like them. It’s not an innocent sign of excitement and platonic affection anymore. It means something, something much more complicated that takes a great deal of deciphering.

    And then there’s more complex stuff. Sure, you can get a hug from a friend, or a hug from an adult on occasion, but it’s rarely ever really a good hug like you’d see between a flock of three year olds on a playground. An adult hug is a quick meeting of the torsos, a few slaps on the back, and it’s all over and done with in less than 45 seconds. But a child’s hug, that means something. But it means something happy and innocent. When you see two toddlers hug, there’s happiness in it, so much that they usually can’t contain it between themselves and the hug becomes positively explosive. They’ll grab each other and hold on, giggling all the way, until it’s just too much for their little bodies to bear and they topple right over in their sandbox in a cascade of laughter. Those hugs last as long as the emotions dictate, they never dissipate quickly due to inhibitions or fears of sending the wrong message. The message is happiness and friendship, and toddlers understand that without having to say a word. They laugh, they hug, they fall over, and it’s understood.

    From time to time you’ll see adults hug like that. Well, almost. But they’re usually few and far between, saved only for special occasions like a victory at the big game, some kind of celebration or surprise. Those situations give you an excuse to give real hugs, a reason, a cop-out excuse to finally let loose and behave like your gut tells you to without fear of confusion. Of course, there are the lasting hugs of comfort, when a kind friend notices when someone is sad and holds them while they cry. But those friends are rare, and who wants to have to be that sad before they get a hug that lasts?

    It’s never the same. We all used to thrive on those sandbox hugs, on the six-a-day hug averages from parents, teachers, and friends. I cannot believe we simply outgrew that, that we can survive on occasional hugs at celebrations and sports events, or the sorrowful hugs that come a little too late. Without it, I know we must start craving that innocent human contact. And those cravings probably start long before we notice it.

    But that’s all wrong. Because any time you crave such human contact, we’re told that we’re really just sexually desperate, that we’re dying for romantic affection or love making. There’s no such thing as sandbox hugs in the adult world, not anymore. No one’s free enough for that, no one’s uninhibited enough, no one’s that giving of their personal space. Friendship means not risking giving any signs that our intentions could mean something more. All that contact, it’s reserved for 45 second hugs, and the rest of your needs? They have to be met by a romantic partner, because that’s all human contact has been reduced to. Sex. That’s all there is as far as touch is concerned in the adult world, that’s the only definition we recognize anymore. Every touch has a sexual motive, or so we’re told.

    That’s what I miss more than anything else about being a child. The freedom to hug like I really mean it, to hold someone’s hand, and to experience it all in complete innocence. It feels wonderful! Getting a hug for no reason and making it last. Feeling the warmth and comfort that comes from knowing that when you walk out into the world, you’ve got someone else right there with you, squeezing your hand and letting you know you’re not alone. We shouldn’t have to have reasons for that, human touch shouldn’t be stripped of its innocence, reduced solely to sexuality. We still crave it, that innocence. I think by denying it and forgetting the innocent potential of a friendly hug or one hand in another, we’re only serving to mess things up even more. It puts so much more needless pressure on romance, it makes us forget that there’s more to human contact than just sex.

    Damn, I want a hug. A good, long, happy, wonderful, explosive sandbox hug. I don’t want that hug to have a reason, I don’t want it to mean anything other than, “You’re my friend and we’re just soooo happy that I just can’t contain it anymore!” When I go outside, I want to know that someone’s there. I don’t want to just see them or hear them, that’s not the same. I want to have that hand, feel its warmth, and know that my friend is really that close. I’m tired of these invisible barriers we erect around our loved ones, keeping them at arms length. And I know I’m not alone in that frustration, because I see that yearning in a lot of people. I think we should just decide to revolt, say no to the misconceptions and rules for human contact. If you want to hug a friend, then do it. If you want to hold their hand, do it. Do it before you can’t, do it before it’s too late, do it to make sure your friends know that you really care about them. And make it last. Too many other things in this world are fleeting. Affection shouldn’t be. Let that hug take you into the sandbox, it’s worth it.