I haven’t been feeling particularly well the past few days (gee, what else is new?), so I’ve been laying in bed, watching the world go by as I lazily watch various things on my computer. I’ve seen some pretty interesting things – I watched a bunch of Japanese people try to figure out how much weight in fish a cat can carry, I saw a random band from Chicago dance on a series of treadmills, I’ve seen John Ratzenberger tour more factories than I can count, I saw a guy go to India for 30 Days after his job was outsourced, and I’ve been scarred for life by loads of vintage Queen videos. And through all of these experiences, after watching hours and hours of pointless entertainment, what conclusion have I come to?

    I’m not doing enough! Sure, I may be bedridden most of the time thanks to this stupid disease, but still, I feel like I’ve done nothing. Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I want to do something now, I want to do something cute, clever, and funny, so that I can come back here and write a fabulous blog about it. I want to have funny photos to show you, and cute little videos of wacky adventures. I want to get out there, tackle something, and then have evidence that I didn’t just sit on my butt all day.

    That’s one thing I hate about summer. It’s so incredibly hot and, thanks to my disease, it’s really dangerous for me to go out in the heat. So I’m pretty much relegated to staying indoors. The only places I’ve been going lately have been my house, Jay’s house, Nordstrom, and the occasional restaurant (particularly Grill Kabob – oh how I love me some naan bread! Mmm mmm tasty!)

    So here’s where I need your help! I need something fun, quirky, and clever to do that will help me fill some time before my next operation. Let’s turn this into a contest, shall we? Post a comment to this blog, suggesting as many quirky activities as possible. Whatever activity you suggest has to be appropriate to one of the four aforementioned locations – my house, Jay’s house, Nordstrom, or a random restaurant. It can’t be against the law, or too physically demanding (sorry – after all, I’m still sickly, you know.) It can involve me and maybe someone else, since I might be able to convince some friends to play along too. What do you want to see me do? Reenact a scene from your favorite movie? Put a gummy bear in the microwave? See how many twinkies it takes to build an exact replica of the Eiffel tower? Ever wondered what a Heather Show fitness video would look lke? Or perhaps my own version of a cooking show, “Heather Bites” (take that, Nigella!)? Come up with something insane, and I’ll do my best to accomplish it. (Just be sure to keep all the suggestions PG-rated – there are kids present, you know.)

    Out of all the suggestions, I’ll pick out a few of my favorites. I’ll then follow your orders o the best of my ability, enacting your suggestion with as much gusto as I can muster! I’ll do my best to document the activity either through still photographs or video clips, then post the reports of my activities here on the blog for all to see. And here’s where it’ll get interesting! At that point, you can then sit on your lazy butt and watch what I’ve been up to.Then, all you lovely people can vote for whichever activity was the funniest, cleverest, weirdest, or whatever. Whichever activity gets the most votes wins, and whoever came up with the brilliant idea will win a super fantabulous prize. Heck, while you’re suggesting activities, go ahead and suggest potential prizes too – I’m open to suggestions, since I have no idea what I’m doing; this is all just by the seat of my pants here, so let’s wing it as we go along. 🙂

    Think you want to play along? I do hope you will, since I’m really bored! I need some fun new things to do and I’m completely out of ideas. Save me from my boredom and I promise I’ll repay you with a prize so spectacular, so awe-inspiring, so wonderously wonderous, that you just won’t be able to contain yourself!

    So get started! Post those genius comments! I’m counting on you to save me from this perilous boredom! You, you who are so much smarter and wiser than I, give me something to do! How can you resist such an offer? How many times do you have someone begging you to give them orders? Orders which will then be followed so faithfully, so obediently, with so much love and dedication! Please, order me around, I can take it. 🙂